Is there anything worst than then feeling like you're one minute away from growing a full on beard, having your purse transform into a basketball, and that glass of champagne being replaced with beer? I think not. Here is how you can recover...
1.Spray perfume. Not body spray, not cologne, not deodorant, not a scented lotion, PERFUME.
2. If nothing else, put on lipstick.
3. Curl hair, or attempt to.
4. Pink is always the answer
5. Eat all food items with a fork and knife
6. When you start to sweat, explain that your beauty is simply prone to glistening
7. Burn any pair of white socks or white sneakers that you own
8. Write with a purple pen-fabulousness does not have time to slack
9. Bake (and proceed to eat items with a knife and fork)
10. Turn on Bravo and watch whatever is on for a minimum of 2 hours
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
How to Recover From a Bad Mood
If you're fabulous like me, terrible moods usually don't plague you, but every so often they manage to make their appearance so here's a few tips on how to turn that frown upside down, or at least attempt to look a little less pissed off.
1. Surround yourself with other people who are also in a bad mood. When I'm in a bad mood, I'd really rather just sulk and complain about it. Someone else's bright smile and great mood, put me in a worse mood. Someone else's bad mood puts me in a better mood. Is that a good thing? Probably not, but its the truth.
2. Go to the gym. The one hour of the day when I deliberately allow myself to look pissed off. I get a better workout, and by the end of it am too exhausted to feel an emotion of any kind.
3. Look at a puppy. If they don't make you smile, you don't have a heart.
4. Watch The Exorcist. You'll feel much better about almost any situation.
(Ah I can't even look at this picture I'm so scared)
5. Wear sunglasses. It masks the death stares that you feel like giving to random passer-bys.
6. Buy yourself something. No money? No problem, just swipe that credit card. I'm in a bad mood and I'm worth it. I'll figure out financing my purchases when I'm in a better mood.
7. Take a nap no matter what time of day. When you wake up, you'll feel more delirious than anything else.
8. Clean. You can really expend a lot of your rage by cleaning. AND when you're done you'll be happy you can at least sulk in a clean environment.
9. Try to trip over something, even if you're by yourself, you'll feel more like an idiot than a pissed off human being
10. Try to remove ice cubes from the ice cube tray. You'll feel really accomplished when you're done
Sunday, July 17, 2011
How to Get Through an Uncomfortable Situation
How to get through an uncomfortable situation:
1. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I can’t understand you’re accent, I can’t hear you, but when in doubt nod and smile
2. When insulted, say nothing. You’ve suddenly become deaf and mute. Instantly. At the same time. You suddenly don't know where you are and who the person speaking to you is
3. When you don’t have strength in numbers, ask yourself, “What would Britney do?"
4. Wear dark lipstick, if nothing else it’s distracting, and you know I think a bit intimidating, maybe, probably not, but its more badass than being a plain jane
5. Just keep sipping. Just keep sipping. and Just keep sipping.
6. The bartender is always your friend
7. Shoot out compliments. Nice socks, sneakers, haircut, hair growth, hair loss, shirt, tan, sunburn, perfume, cologne, balding, mustache, whatever.
8. Go to the bathroom, as often as possible
9. Blank stare. Is that cloud or a bird in the sky?
10. If all else fails, alter your IQ: higher when talking to idiots, lower when talking to pretentious individuals.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Birthday Bliss
Well today was my special day-my 22nd birthday, the big 2-2. I have to admit my expectations weren't super high for this one. I mean graduation has occurred, all my friends are dispersed literally throughout the world. The spectacular and extravagant 21 was last year, and I mean you're 22nd birthday can't really compare to the excitement of that. Then there's your 18th birthday when you're finally a technical adult (ha! I feel like the cutoff line for adulthood needs to be changed to 24). And then there was 17, when I got my license. And of course sweet 16 (why don't boys have sweet 16s?). And all my grammar school birthday parties that took place at the best places ever for a kid, and I received the best barbies ever. But my barbie days are over, and really at 22 what is there to do? I've done it all. And I've finally come to the realization that the entire world is not going to stop and praise and cater to me because its my birthday. The paparazzi is not going to stalk me all day and take my photo....
So I thought, okay well what should I do today? Birthdays, holidays, etc, can turn out to be a big dud if you hold your expectations too high. I mean if you're birthday is on a Monday, chances are if you go out to eat, the restaurant is going to be completely empty, and no offense, but am I the only one who feels like thats completely creepy? Not to mention lonely and un-special. I would much rather spend $20 on dinner at the Olive Garden than a fancy restaurant for a $40 meal on a Monday night with the only other people in the restaurant being an elderly couple or a loner at the bar.
And then there's the cake, which I mean unless its a home-made cake with love or if you have a serious cake obsession, a bakery bought cake can be pretty dull. And how many pieces of cake can you eat? Save the $30, the 5 slices of cake I feel obligated to eat for the remainder of the week, and just buy me a cookie and a bottle of champagne.
And what do I do at night or during the day? Throw a huge party that I spend the entire day stressing and preparing for? Wake up with a hangover or something broken and the massive task of cleaning? Been there done that.
Well the day came and went, and I have to say it was one of my best birthday's to date. Why? Because I spent the entire day with my beary best friend, my teddy bear Puffy. Ha okay just kidding! That'd be both weird, pathetic, and I probably a bit creepy, however he did participate in my afternoon nap. But seriously...it was because I didn't put too much pressure on it. Everyone says "Today is your day" and I thought you know? Today is my day. I'm another year older, and another year wiser.
So I woke up, and put on a fabulous purple skirt, orange tank, and lace blazer combo. On a normal day, I'd get the annoying, "oh wow you're so dressed up just to go here, " "Why are you wearing that just to do this?" "Did you just dress up for me?" "Where do you think you're going?" But today I was like you know what, it's my birthday and I can wear whatever the hell I want. And no I don't think I'll be walking down the red carpet, going on a date with Derek Jeter, and sorry no I did not dress up just for you. I like wearing nice outfits. And I don't care if there's no one to impress but I like wearing makeup. I'm the one who has to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with myself, so sorry if I get satisfaction out of looking nice. Some feel great wearing sweats, and that's great for them but sorry I just feel some sort of depression.
Then instead of splurging on an expensive meal or expensive get together or receiving a plethora of mediocre gifts, I took myself to the spa and got a facial. I'm sorry is there really a better place to pamper yourself than the spa? I think not. And my massage therapist politely informed me that, birthdays only get better, because she is loving her 30s and she loved her 20s.
Then I sat outside overlooking a beautiful park while I dined at an authentic French restaurant and sipped on a quite amazing cocktail. (Oh and by I, I mean myself and my mom: I am not a loner). Then I strolled around, did some window shopping and headed home.
Then I did another one of my favorite activities-I treated myself to a great nap. Why some people don't nap, I'll never understand. After I went to a restaurant I like to frequent, and for dessert, I skipped the cake and treated myself to a Cinnabon, yes a CINNABON. And it was way more enjoyable than any slice of cake I've ever had, and was still special because I'm sorry unless you're morbidly obese, most people don't eat Cinnabons frequently in there daily diets. Yes one is about 800 calories, but its my birthday so who really cares?
Finally I ended the night with a bubble bath, some lavender candles, and an episode of Real Housewives. And I realized, today I got to do all my favorite things.
Tip--Your Birthday is a day for you to enjoy, so do what makes you happy. Everyone's lives aren't going to stop to throw you a surprise party or set off fireworks or roll out a red carpet. Don't over plan it, and just do your favorite things.
So I thought, okay well what should I do today? Birthdays, holidays, etc, can turn out to be a big dud if you hold your expectations too high. I mean if you're birthday is on a Monday, chances are if you go out to eat, the restaurant is going to be completely empty, and no offense, but am I the only one who feels like thats completely creepy? Not to mention lonely and un-special. I would much rather spend $20 on dinner at the Olive Garden than a fancy restaurant for a $40 meal on a Monday night with the only other people in the restaurant being an elderly couple or a loner at the bar.
And then there's the cake, which I mean unless its a home-made cake with love or if you have a serious cake obsession, a bakery bought cake can be pretty dull. And how many pieces of cake can you eat? Save the $30, the 5 slices of cake I feel obligated to eat for the remainder of the week, and just buy me a cookie and a bottle of champagne.
And what do I do at night or during the day? Throw a huge party that I spend the entire day stressing and preparing for? Wake up with a hangover or something broken and the massive task of cleaning? Been there done that.
Well the day came and went, and I have to say it was one of my best birthday's to date. Why? Because I spent the entire day with my beary best friend, my teddy bear Puffy. Ha okay just kidding! That'd be both weird, pathetic, and I probably a bit creepy, however he did participate in my afternoon nap. But seriously...it was because I didn't put too much pressure on it. Everyone says "Today is your day" and I thought you know? Today is my day. I'm another year older, and another year wiser.
So I woke up, and put on a fabulous purple skirt, orange tank, and lace blazer combo. On a normal day, I'd get the annoying, "oh wow you're so dressed up just to go here, " "Why are you wearing that just to do this?" "Did you just dress up for me?" "Where do you think you're going?" But today I was like you know what, it's my birthday and I can wear whatever the hell I want. And no I don't think I'll be walking down the red carpet, going on a date with Derek Jeter, and sorry no I did not dress up just for you. I like wearing nice outfits. And I don't care if there's no one to impress but I like wearing makeup. I'm the one who has to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with myself, so sorry if I get satisfaction out of looking nice. Some feel great wearing sweats, and that's great for them but sorry I just feel some sort of depression.
Then instead of splurging on an expensive meal or expensive get together or receiving a plethora of mediocre gifts, I took myself to the spa and got a facial. I'm sorry is there really a better place to pamper yourself than the spa? I think not. And my massage therapist politely informed me that, birthdays only get better, because she is loving her 30s and she loved her 20s.
Then I sat outside overlooking a beautiful park while I dined at an authentic French restaurant and sipped on a quite amazing cocktail. (Oh and by I, I mean myself and my mom: I am not a loner). Then I strolled around, did some window shopping and headed home.
Then I did another one of my favorite activities-I treated myself to a great nap. Why some people don't nap, I'll never understand. After I went to a restaurant I like to frequent, and for dessert, I skipped the cake and treated myself to a Cinnabon, yes a CINNABON. And it was way more enjoyable than any slice of cake I've ever had, and was still special because I'm sorry unless you're morbidly obese, most people don't eat Cinnabons frequently in there daily diets. Yes one is about 800 calories, but its my birthday so who really cares?
Finally I ended the night with a bubble bath, some lavender candles, and an episode of Real Housewives. And I realized, today I got to do all my favorite things.
Tip--Your Birthday is a day for you to enjoy, so do what makes you happy. Everyone's lives aren't going to stop to throw you a surprise party or set off fireworks or roll out a red carpet. Don't over plan it, and just do your favorite things.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Taking One Step Back, Moves You Two Feet Forward
Well, the past few days have been H-O-T hot. Or an extreme torrential downpour. It really has not even been worth venturing outside. Or really worth showering, or putting on a nice outfit. My room is organized to complete perfection, my movie list complete, school is over, so now what?
Well I took a cool bath and debated what to do. I thought I'll just have a relaxing afternoon, read a magazine, watch a movie, and go through my memory boxes under my bed that I've been keeping for quite some years.
Well Oh My God, one thing led to another, and I pretty much relived ever major moment in my life in 4 hours. It was quite the emotional journey. Awards from grammar school, old toys, picture, 2 yearbooks and messages from middle school, grammar school diploma, play bills, pictures from high school, endless amounts of notes passed between friends in high school and what seemed like the serious gossip and drama at the time, did I pay attention in class or just write notes all day? 4 yearbooks from high school, sweet 16 cards, my old license, 18th birthday cards, old essays and projects, then there was a scrapbook of all the major events of my sophomore year of high school, Model U.N. trips, concert stubs, and then a box from when I went to Ireland for 2 weeks, a box for when I went to Italy, a box for when I went to Martinique for 6 weeks, and finally my most recent box with my college graduation materials.
Looking at each item in the boxes, I felt like I was shifted back in time. My belongs and notes brought back details I had forgotten about, people I had forgotten about, and moments I had forgotten about. Wow I guess I have done a lot in 22 years-I've met a lot of people and I've been to a lot of places, who knew? Life just seems so uneventful on a daily basis.
The memories brought back some smiles, but I'm happy the memories are in a box. Would I want to go back to grammar school, middle school, or even freshman year of college? Not really. Actually not at all. I feel like life just gets better as the years go on, or maybe we get better at life as the years go on. But without all those past moments I wouldn't be who or where I am right now.
It was a nice reminder that in 10 years, what I'm stressing over now, won't seem as trivial as I thought it was at the time. All those memories helped me re-access what I'm doing on a daily basis, and allowed me to humble myself a little.
Tip of today: If you're feeling stuck, take a trip down memory lane.
Well I took a cool bath and debated what to do. I thought I'll just have a relaxing afternoon, read a magazine, watch a movie, and go through my memory boxes under my bed that I've been keeping for quite some years.
Well Oh My God, one thing led to another, and I pretty much relived ever major moment in my life in 4 hours. It was quite the emotional journey. Awards from grammar school, old toys, picture, 2 yearbooks and messages from middle school, grammar school diploma, play bills, pictures from high school, endless amounts of notes passed between friends in high school and what seemed like the serious gossip and drama at the time, did I pay attention in class or just write notes all day? 4 yearbooks from high school, sweet 16 cards, my old license, 18th birthday cards, old essays and projects, then there was a scrapbook of all the major events of my sophomore year of high school, Model U.N. trips, concert stubs, and then a box from when I went to Ireland for 2 weeks, a box for when I went to Italy, a box for when I went to Martinique for 6 weeks, and finally my most recent box with my college graduation materials.
Looking at each item in the boxes, I felt like I was shifted back in time. My belongs and notes brought back details I had forgotten about, people I had forgotten about, and moments I had forgotten about. Wow I guess I have done a lot in 22 years-I've met a lot of people and I've been to a lot of places, who knew? Life just seems so uneventful on a daily basis.
The memories brought back some smiles, but I'm happy the memories are in a box. Would I want to go back to grammar school, middle school, or even freshman year of college? Not really. Actually not at all. I feel like life just gets better as the years go on, or maybe we get better at life as the years go on. But without all those past moments I wouldn't be who or where I am right now.
It was a nice reminder that in 10 years, what I'm stressing over now, won't seem as trivial as I thought it was at the time. All those memories helped me re-access what I'm doing on a daily basis, and allowed me to humble myself a little.
Tip of today: If you're feeling stuck, take a trip down memory lane.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Out With the Old and In With the New
Well it's been quite some time since my last blog entry. Or at least a good one anyway. What happened? I was on such a roll. Well I'd say most of the month of May was spent in seclusion either in the library or a similar-like environment studying and getting everything done I needed to before graduation. My anxiety was at an all-time high, there was absolutely no time for watching TV, socializing, speaking on the phone, eating, sleeping, etc. Oh and then I had to deal with moving out of my amazing apartment, which required enough physical labor needed for about a month.
But now that that chapter of my life is finally over, I'm done with school and finally entering the real world. I work more hours during the week, I actually wake up before 10 a.m., and I have to say there hasn't been much naptime. And with my birthday coming up, I'll be one year older and one year wiser. So I figured okay time to move upward and onward. I threw away bags and bags of old clothing and things in my room. It felt good but it was also rather horrifying to think I actually wore some of those things and actually thought I looked good in them.
Anyway so I threw all my old stuff away, and precisely displayed all the new. Feeling accomplished and proud after days of hard labor, aka picking up a hammer, my dad commented "Oh so I guess you plan on living with us awhile." The comment put a bit of a damper on things. In a year if I am suddenly working at Wal-Mart dating someone with missing teeth, contemplating if I should milk my own cows, I'll become concerned.
And I FINALLY finished my project of watching all AFI's Top 100 Films of All Time. Promise this is my FINAL movie post. I just have to get it out of my system.
I must admit that after years and months of this, the most memorable films were also the worst films and the most bizarre. Each time I watched a bad one, I was like okay well nothing can be worse than this. Oh but some did get worse. And worse. And some were just like really?
However I did learn a lot-about the world, about myself, and about my opinions-from all those movies and must say I was inspired by more than a few.
For example, today when I broke out my hammer to hang something I thought, you know the Indians and Cowboys in all those awful Westerns I watched didn't have power tools in their time and they managed to build actual homes, I'll be fine.
And then I thought I may just collapse from the heat, but then I thought about how hot it must of been for those US soldiers fighting in the Vietnam war, if they're not complaining why should I?
Then I was annoyed that I had to go into work today, but then I remembered that guy who had to escape out of prison for a crime he didn't even commit in the Shawshank Redemption, and I thought standing in 6 hours of air conditioning and then going home isn't so bad.
I also discovered that a 2 1/2 hour movie really isn't that long. There were about 5 movies on list that were almost 4 hours. I felt like I just lived through 5 years after getting through those. All silent films are not created equal. One of them was funny and enjoyable. The other had a moving train as one of the co-stars, enough said there. And the final one I watched was made in 1916. Yes 1916, who knew they even made movies that early. Oh and it was almost 3 hours. It was made up of 4 eras, the last one being the "modern" era, but I couldn't tell which era that was because I'm sorry 1916 is no longer considered modern times. Oh and you can't look away or zone out for a few minutes, because there is no sound. It required more energy than reading a book. You had to watch every single detail that occurred, read the occasional suggested dialogue and try and figure out what was supposed to be considered humorous in the early 1900s. However I sucked it up and watched them all. After watching the initial majority that I actually had a desire to see, I was left with about 35 unappealing films. For every 7 awful ones came 1 amazing one. I had an open mind throughout the entire process and was pleasantly surprised with the results.
Here are my final comments on a few films and then I promise I'm done writing about a bunch of movies no one else under the age of 80 (okay maybe 50) has seen.
High Noon-I thought if you've seen one Western you've seen them all, but I have to say itwas quite the suspense.
Tootsie and The Graduate-I learned who Dustin Hoffman was-a comedic and talented actor-not just some random, famous guy.
MASH, Dr Strangelove, and Easy Rider- I learned that the 70s were a very, very, very weird time, and if someone claims they were not on drugs during this era, they must be lying. Watching Easy Rider was like watching a movie of what it would be like to be on drugs, except not be on drugs, and then just have your mind blown. It left me both confused, bored, and frightened all at the same time.
2001: A Space Odyssey- Imagine watching 3/4 of Titantic then the last quarter turning into Star Wars. Oh better yet imagine watching ET and then the last 15 minutes transitioning into Finding Nemo. Seriously. And eliminate about 85% of the dialogue in each film. It was the most aesthetically pleasing, yet haunting, yet dullest movie I have ever seen.
Then I watched Nashville- which really after watching I really just had to question why this was on the list. It was 2 hours long and I didn't realize until 1:45 minutes that I had no idea what the hell was going on. So I did a litlte research on IMDB, and apparently the first time you watch it its awful, and then the second or third time you end up falling in love with it. I'm sorry but I have to suffer through 2 hours of a movie, not understand or enjoy any minute of it, and then force myself to do it one or two more times so I can then enjoy it? Not happening.
Duck Soup and A Night at the Opera-not funny nor worth watching if you are under the age of 60 or over the age of 7.
Blade Runner-a cheesy, bizarre 80s sci-fi movie. I didn't know you could combine cheesy 80s romance and science fiction. Why did every movie from the 80s involve the same techno music, big hair, and people dressing as though they were fairies or vampires.
Sophie's Choice and Schindler's List-the holocaust was sad and we should all be traumatized.
The Deer Hunter-I now understand why people who fought in the Vietnam war are mentally ill. I think I'm now mentally ill after watching this.
Rocky-you've seen one boxing movie you've seen them all. They all seem to win Oscars though.
Midnight Cowboy-I feel like I should have been more emotionally invested, I feel like I should have cried at the end, I feel like I should have been weirded out, but really I think my tolerance for my mind being blown is at an all-time high.
The Apartment-apparently in 1960, you could have a job as an elevator girl. I don't get it? You just have to push a button.
Do the Right Thing-I want pizza
Spartacus-you've seen one ancient Greek war film, you've seen them all.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?-I am. And I'm afraid of professors and marriage at the age of 50.
Bonnie and Clyde-not as fabulous of a couple as I thought. Thank god I don't live in the mid-west. But I guess a significant portion of the population actually does live there.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-whenever you think that you or the world is going crazy, just watch this movie and you'll feel normal again.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington-well I guess after 50 years nothing in politics has changed.
Gone with the Wind-I guess there were actually 2 sides of the Civil War, who knew?
So now I can finally join the rest of society and again watch movies that are relevant to pop culture or at least have the ability to be mentioned casually in a dinner conversation.
Fabulous tip for today: Start a new project with an open mind.
But now that that chapter of my life is finally over, I'm done with school and finally entering the real world. I work more hours during the week, I actually wake up before 10 a.m., and I have to say there hasn't been much naptime. And with my birthday coming up, I'll be one year older and one year wiser. So I figured okay time to move upward and onward. I threw away bags and bags of old clothing and things in my room. It felt good but it was also rather horrifying to think I actually wore some of those things and actually thought I looked good in them.
Anyway so I threw all my old stuff away, and precisely displayed all the new. Feeling accomplished and proud after days of hard labor, aka picking up a hammer, my dad commented "Oh so I guess you plan on living with us awhile." The comment put a bit of a damper on things. In a year if I am suddenly working at Wal-Mart dating someone with missing teeth, contemplating if I should milk my own cows, I'll become concerned.
And I FINALLY finished my project of watching all AFI's Top 100 Films of All Time. Promise this is my FINAL movie post. I just have to get it out of my system.
I must admit that after years and months of this, the most memorable films were also the worst films and the most bizarre. Each time I watched a bad one, I was like okay well nothing can be worse than this. Oh but some did get worse. And worse. And some were just like really?
However I did learn a lot-about the world, about myself, and about my opinions-from all those movies and must say I was inspired by more than a few.
For example, today when I broke out my hammer to hang something I thought, you know the Indians and Cowboys in all those awful Westerns I watched didn't have power tools in their time and they managed to build actual homes, I'll be fine.
And then I thought I may just collapse from the heat, but then I thought about how hot it must of been for those US soldiers fighting in the Vietnam war, if they're not complaining why should I?
Then I was annoyed that I had to go into work today, but then I remembered that guy who had to escape out of prison for a crime he didn't even commit in the Shawshank Redemption, and I thought standing in 6 hours of air conditioning and then going home isn't so bad.
I also discovered that a 2 1/2 hour movie really isn't that long. There were about 5 movies on list that were almost 4 hours. I felt like I just lived through 5 years after getting through those. All silent films are not created equal. One of them was funny and enjoyable. The other had a moving train as one of the co-stars, enough said there. And the final one I watched was made in 1916. Yes 1916, who knew they even made movies that early. Oh and it was almost 3 hours. It was made up of 4 eras, the last one being the "modern" era, but I couldn't tell which era that was because I'm sorry 1916 is no longer considered modern times. Oh and you can't look away or zone out for a few minutes, because there is no sound. It required more energy than reading a book. You had to watch every single detail that occurred, read the occasional suggested dialogue and try and figure out what was supposed to be considered humorous in the early 1900s. However I sucked it up and watched them all. After watching the initial majority that I actually had a desire to see, I was left with about 35 unappealing films. For every 7 awful ones came 1 amazing one. I had an open mind throughout the entire process and was pleasantly surprised with the results.
Here are my final comments on a few films and then I promise I'm done writing about a bunch of movies no one else under the age of 80 (okay maybe 50) has seen.
High Noon-I thought if you've seen one Western you've seen them all, but I have to say itwas quite the suspense.
Tootsie and The Graduate-I learned who Dustin Hoffman was-a comedic and talented actor-not just some random, famous guy.
MASH, Dr Strangelove, and Easy Rider- I learned that the 70s were a very, very, very weird time, and if someone claims they were not on drugs during this era, they must be lying. Watching Easy Rider was like watching a movie of what it would be like to be on drugs, except not be on drugs, and then just have your mind blown. It left me both confused, bored, and frightened all at the same time.
2001: A Space Odyssey- Imagine watching 3/4 of Titantic then the last quarter turning into Star Wars. Oh better yet imagine watching ET and then the last 15 minutes transitioning into Finding Nemo. Seriously. And eliminate about 85% of the dialogue in each film. It was the most aesthetically pleasing, yet haunting, yet dullest movie I have ever seen.
Then I watched Nashville- which really after watching I really just had to question why this was on the list. It was 2 hours long and I didn't realize until 1:45 minutes that I had no idea what the hell was going on. So I did a litlte research on IMDB, and apparently the first time you watch it its awful, and then the second or third time you end up falling in love with it. I'm sorry but I have to suffer through 2 hours of a movie, not understand or enjoy any minute of it, and then force myself to do it one or two more times so I can then enjoy it? Not happening.
Duck Soup and A Night at the Opera-not funny nor worth watching if you are under the age of 60 or over the age of 7.
Blade Runner-a cheesy, bizarre 80s sci-fi movie. I didn't know you could combine cheesy 80s romance and science fiction. Why did every movie from the 80s involve the same techno music, big hair, and people dressing as though they were fairies or vampires.
Sophie's Choice and Schindler's List-the holocaust was sad and we should all be traumatized.
The Deer Hunter-I now understand why people who fought in the Vietnam war are mentally ill. I think I'm now mentally ill after watching this.
Rocky-you've seen one boxing movie you've seen them all. They all seem to win Oscars though.
Midnight Cowboy-I feel like I should have been more emotionally invested, I feel like I should have cried at the end, I feel like I should have been weirded out, but really I think my tolerance for my mind being blown is at an all-time high.
The Apartment-apparently in 1960, you could have a job as an elevator girl. I don't get it? You just have to push a button.
Do the Right Thing-I want pizza
Spartacus-you've seen one ancient Greek war film, you've seen them all.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?-I am. And I'm afraid of professors and marriage at the age of 50.
Bonnie and Clyde-not as fabulous of a couple as I thought. Thank god I don't live in the mid-west. But I guess a significant portion of the population actually does live there.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-whenever you think that you or the world is going crazy, just watch this movie and you'll feel normal again.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington-well I guess after 50 years nothing in politics has changed.
Gone with the Wind-I guess there were actually 2 sides of the Civil War, who knew?
So now I can finally join the rest of society and again watch movies that are relevant to pop culture or at least have the ability to be mentioned casually in a dinner conversation.
Fabulous tip for today: Start a new project with an open mind.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Nice guys finish last, Nice girls finish confused
In theory I would love, a nice guy, who opens doors, buys me flowers, gives me compliments, is a gentlemen, etc, etc. However throughout my entire history with boys, when the nice guy appears, it's not that I don't like him or think he's just too nice or more like a friend or just not for , the truth is more than anything, I feel thoroughly creeped out. The experience of holding hands in public makes me nauseous. Omg what if I have to be stuck and uncomfortable with him forever? Ah please don't buy my drink or by me dinner or walk me home. I feel suffocated after the first 30 minutes of meeting you, and all you're doing is being nice and showing interest. Are those flowers and would it be horrible if I burned them?
On the flip side, there's the unattainable person, who its baffling why you still interact with someone so thoughtless, yet the fact that you knowingly know that they really detest your company, okay maybe not as strong of an emotion as detest, just makes the time spent together so much more enjoyable. I don't get why. The guy doesn't get why. Friends don't get why. But its just the way it is. The doors, the flowers, the compliments, and the gentlemen will never come but if they did, I don't think I'd be grossed out by any of it (unlike my thoughts of the above).
And then there's the man, that you actually like, are actually attracted to, but then end up being so intimidated the entire time, that you end up being some weird warped version of yourself. Like did I seriously just say that? Who am I? What's my name? I don't even know.
6 times out of 10, I'm creeped out. Even if you're cute, you're funny, you're nice, ugh it's just too much too fast. 3 times out of ten, I'm a shy/awkward attempt at being an outgoing person. 1 time out of ten, I meet the unattainable.
I guess I never really realized that the guy may actually be nervous talking to you. And that no he can not actually read my mind. I think I'm being friendly, and he thinks I like him. I think he's being friendly and then suddenly hands are attempted to be held and I'm in shock as to where that came from.
I would love a nice guy, who wouldn't? But 9/10 when they appear, it's just suffocating and uncomfortable. Then when you meet the unattainable- people tell you that you're just too nice and need to drop him. How nice can I be in comparison with the rest of society? I mean gosh I'm no Saint....um who was that...oh Mother Teresa, is she a Saint? Can people still become Saints? Is the Pope a Saint? Okay completely off-topic.
All nice girls want is an in between of a jerk and a nice guy.....what I would define, as..... I don't know a normal human being. Is that so hard? Apparently, because I'm either left nauseated and suffocated, or sad and hurt, or I somehow transform into a mute who attempts to not be mute, hah I guess that could qualify as a mime. I'm sure picking up miming would attract some special.
Sometimes I think all my future has in store, is a full-time job at Wal-Mart, wearing that blue apron, married to someone without a full-set of teeth. I don't even shop at Wal-Mart. And I can't even look at crooked teeth, let alone missing teeth. I think my ticket to success is to pick up miming. It offers both employment and attention, and I think I'd be able to k.eep all of my teeth.
Fabulous tip of the day: Do absolutely none of the above, you'll be able to eliminate confusion, and you should be in a much better position than me.
On the flip side, there's the unattainable person, who its baffling why you still interact with someone so thoughtless, yet the fact that you knowingly know that they really detest your company, okay maybe not as strong of an emotion as detest, just makes the time spent together so much more enjoyable. I don't get why. The guy doesn't get why. Friends don't get why. But its just the way it is. The doors, the flowers, the compliments, and the gentlemen will never come but if they did, I don't think I'd be grossed out by any of it (unlike my thoughts of the above).
And then there's the man, that you actually like, are actually attracted to, but then end up being so intimidated the entire time, that you end up being some weird warped version of yourself. Like did I seriously just say that? Who am I? What's my name? I don't even know.
6 times out of 10, I'm creeped out. Even if you're cute, you're funny, you're nice, ugh it's just too much too fast. 3 times out of ten, I'm a shy/awkward attempt at being an outgoing person. 1 time out of ten, I meet the unattainable.
I guess I never really realized that the guy may actually be nervous talking to you. And that no he can not actually read my mind. I think I'm being friendly, and he thinks I like him. I think he's being friendly and then suddenly hands are attempted to be held and I'm in shock as to where that came from.
I would love a nice guy, who wouldn't? But 9/10 when they appear, it's just suffocating and uncomfortable. Then when you meet the unattainable- people tell you that you're just too nice and need to drop him. How nice can I be in comparison with the rest of society? I mean gosh I'm no Saint....um who was that...oh Mother Teresa, is she a Saint? Can people still become Saints? Is the Pope a Saint? Okay completely off-topic.
All nice girls want is an in between of a jerk and a nice guy.....what I would define, as..... I don't know a normal human being. Is that so hard? Apparently, because I'm either left nauseated and suffocated, or sad and hurt, or I somehow transform into a mute who attempts to not be mute, hah I guess that could qualify as a mime. I'm sure picking up miming would attract some special.
Sometimes I think all my future has in store, is a full-time job at Wal-Mart, wearing that blue apron, married to someone without a full-set of teeth. I don't even shop at Wal-Mart. And I can't even look at crooked teeth, let alone missing teeth. I think my ticket to success is to pick up miming. It offers both employment and attention, and I think I'd be able to k.eep all of my teeth.
Fabulous tip of the day: Do absolutely none of the above, you'll be able to eliminate confusion, and you should be in a much better position than me.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Little Things are Unforgettable
I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing to place so much emphasis on the small things someone does or remembers. But I just can't help the fact that the little things someone does just seems so much more important to me than grandeur actions.
Yes you just said I looked ridiculous in my outfit or that I should get a reality check, but you opened the door for me a week ago, that was so nice. You just made fun of a passerby (did I just say passerby?), you act like you're above everyone, but you told me I had a nice smile. Everyone is annoyed at me, everyone thinks I'm clueless at this, but you told me I did a good job. You just told me I was out of your league in random conversation, um I'm sorry but do I even qualify to be in a league?
Why are the little things just so unforgettable to me? I feel like the big picture should probably have more emphasis in someone's life, but I guess I just live moment by moment, minute by minute. I don't know if impulsiveness is a fabulous quality to have or not, or if looking on the bright side is better than looking on the realistic side. But I do know that being yourself if is the best you can do when you're unsure of something. Therefore, thank you for buying me that beverage, thanks for holding the door, thanks for waiting for me, thanks for walking me home. It means so much more than the sweater I just got or the paycheck I just received.
Yes you just said I looked ridiculous in my outfit or that I should get a reality check, but you opened the door for me a week ago, that was so nice. You just made fun of a passerby (did I just say passerby?), you act like you're above everyone, but you told me I had a nice smile. Everyone is annoyed at me, everyone thinks I'm clueless at this, but you told me I did a good job. You just told me I was out of your league in random conversation, um I'm sorry but do I even qualify to be in a league?
Why are the little things just so unforgettable to me? I feel like the big picture should probably have more emphasis in someone's life, but I guess I just live moment by moment, minute by minute. I don't know if impulsiveness is a fabulous quality to have or not, or if looking on the bright side is better than looking on the realistic side. But I do know that being yourself if is the best you can do when you're unsure of something. Therefore, thank you for buying me that beverage, thanks for holding the door, thanks for waiting for me, thanks for walking me home. It means so much more than the sweater I just got or the paycheck I just received.
Friday, May 6, 2011
You Can't Be Fabulous Without a Sidekick
This blog entry is dedicated to the most valued thing in my life, who has been the most valued thing my entire life. What might you ask? My teddy bear Puffy. Actually that should be plural because I have two of the same one, in case one ever got lost, or in my mind stolen by a jealous psycho. Throughout the years, he's taken a bit of a beating, which has caused many, aka my parents, to suggest preserving him in some type of box. I'm sorry, but a box? So he could suffocate and be neglected? Absolutely not, what a horrible idea. I recently had a nightmare that he fell apart, I think I would pass out if that happened in real life.
They say not to let your material items own you, but my teddy bear isn't a material item or a "thing," it's Puffy! I own him and I would die without him. When I was about 6 years old, I was on a flight to my yearly trip to Aruba, and I had him just chilling out right next to me on the seat so he could look out of the window and get some fresh air from my backpack, then BAM! He was gone. What? How could this happen? Where did he go? Who stole him? Did he fall out of the plane? Is he hurt? Wahhh! After what felt like an eternity of hours my mom informed me that my dad would buy me a new stuffed animal when we landed. Um I'm sorry but that little guy is not replaceable. My life of 6 years is over without him. Luckily shortly after, my sister managed to find him, as he had just simply fallen under my seat. I guess I didn't see him in the panic that pursued. That little guy did not leave my side for the rest of the trip.
I have to admit, if I had to save a person from a moving train or save my bear from a moving train, I think for a hot second I might consider the bear over the person. If I had to wear a potato sack for a year in order to keep him I'd do it. If all my material belongings were going to be destroyed and I had to choose one to save, it'd be him. If a building was burning and he was in there, I would go in and save him. If that isn't love than I don't know what is. Over any picture, any article of clothing, any piece of jewelry, any dollar amount. He's clearly the best friend I've ever had.
Yes I'm 21 years old, no the attachment never faded, and I still look at him as my best friend rather than a simple stuffed animal. Why? I never had a pet growing up, I just had him. Always there for me no matter what. He's all my memories wrapped in one. I don't need a photo album, when I can just look at him. He's the one material item that truly means something to me.
I'm sure at this age most people have grown out of their obsession with a childhood belonging, but I think everyone should have one belonging that makes them feel fabulous. Whether it be a teddy bear, a pet, a piece of jewelry, or even a pair of sneakers. It's the memories made with them that help you remember how amazing of a person you really are and how not so cruel the world actually is. And for the record I think having an attachment to a teddy bear at the age of 21 is still socially acceptable as long as you keep him at home on your bed and never talk about him.
They say not to let your material items own you, but my teddy bear isn't a material item or a "thing," it's Puffy! I own him and I would die without him. When I was about 6 years old, I was on a flight to my yearly trip to Aruba, and I had him just chilling out right next to me on the seat so he could look out of the window and get some fresh air from my backpack, then BAM! He was gone. What? How could this happen? Where did he go? Who stole him? Did he fall out of the plane? Is he hurt? Wahhh! After what felt like an eternity of hours my mom informed me that my dad would buy me a new stuffed animal when we landed. Um I'm sorry but that little guy is not replaceable. My life of 6 years is over without him. Luckily shortly after, my sister managed to find him, as he had just simply fallen under my seat. I guess I didn't see him in the panic that pursued. That little guy did not leave my side for the rest of the trip.
I have to admit, if I had to save a person from a moving train or save my bear from a moving train, I think for a hot second I might consider the bear over the person. If I had to wear a potato sack for a year in order to keep him I'd do it. If all my material belongings were going to be destroyed and I had to choose one to save, it'd be him. If a building was burning and he was in there, I would go in and save him. If that isn't love than I don't know what is. Over any picture, any article of clothing, any piece of jewelry, any dollar amount. He's clearly the best friend I've ever had.
Yes I'm 21 years old, no the attachment never faded, and I still look at him as my best friend rather than a simple stuffed animal. Why? I never had a pet growing up, I just had him. Always there for me no matter what. He's all my memories wrapped in one. I don't need a photo album, when I can just look at him. He's the one material item that truly means something to me.
I'm sure at this age most people have grown out of their obsession with a childhood belonging, but I think everyone should have one belonging that makes them feel fabulous. Whether it be a teddy bear, a pet, a piece of jewelry, or even a pair of sneakers. It's the memories made with them that help you remember how amazing of a person you really are and how not so cruel the world actually is. And for the record I think having an attachment to a teddy bear at the age of 21 is still socially acceptable as long as you keep him at home on your bed and never talk about him.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Final Meltdown
My latest movie choice was Rocky I. I was super excited for this one, however an hour into it, all I could think was how did they make 4 more of these? The action doesn't start happening until the last half hour of the movie. The first hour you just get a glimpse of how he could have been something great but let it all slip away. He never had a prime. He never got anywhere. Finally he gets his chance, and I thought in real life would someone really get away with waiting that long to pick themselves?
When he finally does pick himself he gets the support he always wanted from more people than he thought he would. Moral: You can't get a pat on the back unless you do something worth a congratulations.
I wake up the day before and just think, is it over yet? Do I really have to pick myself up again. Can't I just press a fast forward button. Eventually I'll get there. Eventually. In 10 years it won't matter... In 10 years it won't matter.... Well at this rate, in 10 years I might be somewhere I don't want to be. So maybe I've had more meltdowns than the average person, Maybe I've let myself fall a few too many times, but for some reason I'm still trekking and there is no time like the present to pick yourself back up. People can't think you're fabulous unless you give them a reason to think so.
Tip today, get up, get moving, and get something done. Go all the way this time.
When he finally does pick himself he gets the support he always wanted from more people than he thought he would. Moral: You can't get a pat on the back unless you do something worth a congratulations.
I wake up the day before and just think, is it over yet? Do I really have to pick myself up again. Can't I just press a fast forward button. Eventually I'll get there. Eventually. In 10 years it won't matter... In 10 years it won't matter.... Well at this rate, in 10 years I might be somewhere I don't want to be. So maybe I've had more meltdowns than the average person, Maybe I've let myself fall a few too many times, but for some reason I'm still trekking and there is no time like the present to pick yourself back up. People can't think you're fabulous unless you give them a reason to think so.
Tip today, get up, get moving, and get something done. Go all the way this time.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
High Maintenance is a Always No-Go
I have to note that being fabulous does not mean being high maintenance: they are two completely separate things. For one, being fabulous, is well....a fabulous quality to have. Being high maintenance? Quite the opposite- it's un-fabulous, unappealing, and quite annoying to both others and yourself. You don't need 3 hours to get ready to be fabulous. You don't need the most expensive things. And sometimes there are just some factors you can't control.
Yesterday was quite the unusually nice, beautiful, perfect temperature day. So I decide let me make lemons out of lemonade, oh woops its lemonade out of lemons. Okay anyway so I decide to make the best out of a bad situation, which is the fact that I have class, studying, other important obligations that must be adhered to instead of laying out in the sun with a margarita and a magazine. So I decide, okay well I'll go lay on the grass and study outside to get some fresh air.... what a fabulous idea! This plot of grass is about 5 minutes away from my apartment, and let me tell you that was the longest and most unpleasant and un-fabulous 5 minutes of my life (okay clearly not my life, more like my day...maybe week...). Before venturing out, I decide to I carry my books, computer, and to include my recent light read "The Gospel According to Coco Chanel" to add in a little extra glamour, in a nice, little summer bag to match my outfit. Oh great idea, except my books weighed about 15 pounds, my bag and arm were about to break, and I didn't realize until halfway through the walk that there was no point in bringing my laptop or the light read.
Not only was my arm about to break, but I mean aside from it being a nice day, it was HOT! Of course I decide to wear pants so it'll be more comfortable for me to sit on the grass without having to worrying about a possible wardrobe malfunction. So during that 5 minutes I was sweating like a drenched animal, and could not get under a tree fast enough. Finally I find a massive tree, with tons of shade and space to plot my stuff down on. I lay out my blanket and realize wow I'm sitting on top of a pile of dirt, not grass. But whatever I am under shade, sitting on a blanket, it is okay. Then I proceed to take my textbooks out, I begin to lay on my stomach and start reading. Within 30 seconds, my blanket, my books, my bag, my skin, and my hair are covered in pollen. It is now 24 hours later and I think I still have pollen stuck in my hair. And that pollen is definitely not coming out of my textbook. But its either sweat in the sun or sit under a blanket of pollen. I chose the pollen. So I thought okay, I'm not sneezing yet, no wild animal has come to attack me, no one has hit me with their frisbee yet, I can deal with the outdoors. Then as I'm laying on my stomach, I realize just because I'm wearing pants doesn't mean I completely avoided the wardrobe malfunction, because my top was completely opened. So embarrassing. I definitely did not wear the right outfit for laying in the grass, note to self, do not wear a chiffon lace top or do you're hair when entering the wild, and by entering the wild I mean spending 30 minutes outside, on the ground.
Despite the pollen, the heat, the dirt, etc... I'm thinking its so beautiful, don't be a brat, and just relax. Then a spider comes crawling on my notebook, which I hurriedly flutter away. Then a fly lands on my textbook, which I'm pretty sure (and pretty grossly) I killed with my bare hands. Traumatizing much? But when you're outdoors, all normal thoughts of cleanliness and manners cease to exist, and you just want these bugs to get off of you.
So after my 2 rare hours that I spent outdoors (that didn't involve getting a tan) I have to say I kind of enjoyed myself. No I wasn't wearing the perfect outfit, yes I was sitting in dirt, yes I had pollen all over me and may have triggered an allergy attack, yes I had to touch and interact with a few bugs, and no there wasn't a maid to bring me freshly squeezed lemonade and fan me. But I changed up my routine and did something new, and despite the un-so-fabulous conditions I was relaxed and would probably study outside again (EXCEPT I am finding a different tree. Maybe one that sheds flowers instead of pollen, that'd be pretty). And 24 hours later, I am now clean and showered. Some conditions you just can't control, but how you handle them determines your overall happiness. I mean I was alone for most of this time period, but imagine if I was with someone else and I complained the entire time about the heat and the dirt? I would be such a downer! And just because I wasn't with anyone else, doesn't mean my thinking should automatically become more negative because that would just be a downer to myself. I can't help the fact that it was hot, I was sweating, and unfortunately that dirt and bugs do exist and are a necessary part of our planet, but I can help the fact that just because I don't have a servant to set up a lounge chair and umbrella for me with fiji water poured in a wine glass, doesn't mean I still can't enjoy myself under the circumstances.
Tip of the day: Never be or come off as high maintenance. When your appearance and standards start controlling you, you just become a negative and never-fully happy person.
Yesterday was quite the unusually nice, beautiful, perfect temperature day. So I decide let me make lemons out of lemonade, oh woops its lemonade out of lemons. Okay anyway so I decide to make the best out of a bad situation, which is the fact that I have class, studying, other important obligations that must be adhered to instead of laying out in the sun with a margarita and a magazine. So I decide, okay well I'll go lay on the grass and study outside to get some fresh air.... what a fabulous idea! This plot of grass is about 5 minutes away from my apartment, and let me tell you that was the longest and most unpleasant and un-fabulous 5 minutes of my life (okay clearly not my life, more like my day...maybe week...). Before venturing out, I decide to I carry my books, computer, and to include my recent light read "The Gospel According to Coco Chanel" to add in a little extra glamour, in a nice, little summer bag to match my outfit. Oh great idea, except my books weighed about 15 pounds, my bag and arm were about to break, and I didn't realize until halfway through the walk that there was no point in bringing my laptop or the light read.
Not only was my arm about to break, but I mean aside from it being a nice day, it was HOT! Of course I decide to wear pants so it'll be more comfortable for me to sit on the grass without having to worrying about a possible wardrobe malfunction. So during that 5 minutes I was sweating like a drenched animal, and could not get under a tree fast enough. Finally I find a massive tree, with tons of shade and space to plot my stuff down on. I lay out my blanket and realize wow I'm sitting on top of a pile of dirt, not grass. But whatever I am under shade, sitting on a blanket, it is okay. Then I proceed to take my textbooks out, I begin to lay on my stomach and start reading. Within 30 seconds, my blanket, my books, my bag, my skin, and my hair are covered in pollen. It is now 24 hours later and I think I still have pollen stuck in my hair. And that pollen is definitely not coming out of my textbook. But its either sweat in the sun or sit under a blanket of pollen. I chose the pollen. So I thought okay, I'm not sneezing yet, no wild animal has come to attack me, no one has hit me with their frisbee yet, I can deal with the outdoors. Then as I'm laying on my stomach, I realize just because I'm wearing pants doesn't mean I completely avoided the wardrobe malfunction, because my top was completely opened. So embarrassing. I definitely did not wear the right outfit for laying in the grass, note to self, do not wear a chiffon lace top or do you're hair when entering the wild, and by entering the wild I mean spending 30 minutes outside, on the ground.
Despite the pollen, the heat, the dirt, etc... I'm thinking its so beautiful, don't be a brat, and just relax. Then a spider comes crawling on my notebook, which I hurriedly flutter away. Then a fly lands on my textbook, which I'm pretty sure (and pretty grossly) I killed with my bare hands. Traumatizing much? But when you're outdoors, all normal thoughts of cleanliness and manners cease to exist, and you just want these bugs to get off of you.
So after my 2 rare hours that I spent outdoors (that didn't involve getting a tan) I have to say I kind of enjoyed myself. No I wasn't wearing the perfect outfit, yes I was sitting in dirt, yes I had pollen all over me and may have triggered an allergy attack, yes I had to touch and interact with a few bugs, and no there wasn't a maid to bring me freshly squeezed lemonade and fan me. But I changed up my routine and did something new, and despite the un-so-fabulous conditions I was relaxed and would probably study outside again (EXCEPT I am finding a different tree. Maybe one that sheds flowers instead of pollen, that'd be pretty). And 24 hours later, I am now clean and showered. Some conditions you just can't control, but how you handle them determines your overall happiness. I mean I was alone for most of this time period, but imagine if I was with someone else and I complained the entire time about the heat and the dirt? I would be such a downer! And just because I wasn't with anyone else, doesn't mean my thinking should automatically become more negative because that would just be a downer to myself. I can't help the fact that it was hot, I was sweating, and unfortunately that dirt and bugs do exist and are a necessary part of our planet, but I can help the fact that just because I don't have a servant to set up a lounge chair and umbrella for me with fiji water poured in a wine glass, doesn't mean I still can't enjoy myself under the circumstances.
Tip of the day: Never be or come off as high maintenance. When your appearance and standards start controlling you, you just become a negative and never-fully happy person.
Friday, April 22, 2011
How to Look Good at 8 a.m.
Why some must start their day this early I'll just never understand. 8 a.m. for me is like 5 a.m. for a normal person. 11:00 a.m. is my 8a.m. or maybe 9 a.m. But just because you have to venture out and expose yourself to society at such an unhuman hour, does not mean that you shouldn't be looking fabulous. ACTUALLY, you should be looking extra fabulous to make up for the un-so fabulous time of day. So here is what you do:
1. Have good or blown out hair. You can easily do it the night before and then touch it up in the a.m. Or if you're a die-hard morning showerer, a simple blow dry will not kill you.
2. Makeup is necessary but does not need to be full on. Simple powder, concealer, and blush is all that's needed. Maybe some white eyeliner to open up your eyes.
3. Coffee and Protein. One shot of expresso and a hard boiled egg is all you need
4. Perfume. Completely necessary.
5. Do not, I repeat do not, I repeat again, do not wear a full body sweatsuit. Go for something comfortable but also chic. If you must wear sweatpants, at least wear nice shoes, and a somewhat cute top. If you know you're not going to follow this step, if nothing else, please throw on a string of pearls, even if it doesn't go with the outfit. It'll distract people from the sadness of your attire.
1. Have good or blown out hair. You can easily do it the night before and then touch it up in the a.m. Or if you're a die-hard morning showerer, a simple blow dry will not kill you.
2. Makeup is necessary but does not need to be full on. Simple powder, concealer, and blush is all that's needed. Maybe some white eyeliner to open up your eyes.
3. Coffee and Protein. One shot of expresso and a hard boiled egg is all you need
4. Perfume. Completely necessary.
5. Do not, I repeat do not, I repeat again, do not wear a full body sweatsuit. Go for something comfortable but also chic. If you must wear sweatpants, at least wear nice shoes, and a somewhat cute top. If you know you're not going to follow this step, if nothing else, please throw on a string of pearls, even if it doesn't go with the outfit. It'll distract people from the sadness of your attire.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Not Everything Clicks Right Away
Being fabulous is hard to do, so if you don't get it right away, don't feel bad. Even things don't click for the super fabulous right away. Here's some words, phrases, and things that took me quite some time to understand, and made me look quite stupid and not so fabulous.
1. Closure
Just learned this was a word a year and a half ago. I guess I never really had to experience it until then, I just don't know. But my friend said well you should go talk about it because you need closure. I nodded, but inside I was thinking, wait so is this person going to tell me something good or something bad? Does closure mean you get what you want? Apparently its just repeating what you're not going to get so I really don't get why this action/word is necessary.
2. Embellish
I used to be awful at telling stories, and by awful I mean my stories didn't even come out as stories, or full sentences. I pretty much just had to say at the end of it: "that's the end of my story." And then I learned in order to tell a good and exciting story, you kind of have to embellish a little. I didn't know embellish was a word until a few years ago. I didn't realize there was an in between of telling the truth and lying. Who knew? Not me.
3. The phrase "You can't have your cake and eat it too."
4. Moat
Random I know. But I didn't know what a moat was until I was in high school. I mean who knew a river in front of a castle had a name or a meaning behind it? And couldn't attackers swim back that? Were their dangerous animals in there? I just don't know.
5. Frown
Didn't know what this meant until middle school. Frowning shouldn't exist anyway. People should just smile or have no expression. I mean let's face it, that red face is an outcast and a total downer.
6. D-bag
Okay this one is a bit inappropriate and was debating whether or not to actually post it, but until last month I seriously didn't know this was an actual thing! Ew! And now I'm never using the word again. I just thought it was a made up phrase. Do they still exist? Did everyone else really know what this was?
7. The pronunciation of "Heir"
In high school as I was giving a presentation about some ruler of Florence in during the Renaissance, I spoke the last sentence of, "He died with no hair." Everyone started laughing and the teacher said, it sounded like you said hair, but I heard "air." No I didn't say "air", I really did say hair, because I'm sorry doesn't the word start with an h. And who even uses the word heir anyway. It was embarrassing but also mind blowing.
8. New year's "Resolutions."
I was under the impression for quite some time that they were New Years Revolutions. Revolutionary idea? Revolutionary change in your life? It makes sense....Maybe.
9. Stink vs. Sneak.
In 5th grade, I wrote a note saying "You Sneak!" I thought stink was spelt sneak. I can't even justify that one. I also didn't realize that "the" and "thee" were basically the same word. I think I forgot how to spell the word "when" once too.
10. Nalgene
There's a name for those? Isn't it just a reusable water bottle?
And most recently...
11. DIY a.k.a. Do it yourself
I learned this one a week ago. I'm sorry did everyone know the meaning of this? When I see DIY i think dye or die, not do it yourself. Why does "do it yourself" even need its own abbreviation? How often is the phrase actually used?
So if you're having trouble being fabulous, it's okay, everyone has their flaws and embarrasses themselves from time to time. You'll get there eventually, and might just be able to have your cake and eat it too (ha ha ha).
1. Closure
Just learned this was a word a year and a half ago. I guess I never really had to experience it until then, I just don't know. But my friend said well you should go talk about it because you need closure. I nodded, but inside I was thinking, wait so is this person going to tell me something good or something bad? Does closure mean you get what you want? Apparently its just repeating what you're not going to get so I really don't get why this action/word is necessary.
2. Embellish
I used to be awful at telling stories, and by awful I mean my stories didn't even come out as stories, or full sentences. I pretty much just had to say at the end of it: "that's the end of my story." And then I learned in order to tell a good and exciting story, you kind of have to embellish a little. I didn't know embellish was a word until a few years ago. I didn't realize there was an in between of telling the truth and lying. Who knew? Not me.
3. The phrase "You can't have your cake and eat it too."
This one took me quite some time to get. It wasn't that I never heard the phrase before, oh I heard it multiple times, I just never got it. I mean wasn't the whole point of cake, eating it? Why else would you have cake? If I couldn't eat the cake I wouldn't want the cake. However I quickly learned the meaning of this phrase after I understood the meaning of the word closure. Killed two birds with one stone.
4. Moat
Random I know. But I didn't know what a moat was until I was in high school. I mean who knew a river in front of a castle had a name or a meaning behind it? And couldn't attackers swim back that? Were their dangerous animals in there? I just don't know.
5. Frown
Didn't know what this meant until middle school. Frowning shouldn't exist anyway. People should just smile or have no expression. I mean let's face it, that red face is an outcast and a total downer.
6. D-bag
Okay this one is a bit inappropriate and was debating whether or not to actually post it, but until last month I seriously didn't know this was an actual thing! Ew! And now I'm never using the word again. I just thought it was a made up phrase. Do they still exist? Did everyone else really know what this was?
7. The pronunciation of "Heir"
In high school as I was giving a presentation about some ruler of Florence in during the Renaissance, I spoke the last sentence of, "He died with no hair." Everyone started laughing and the teacher said, it sounded like you said hair, but I heard "air." No I didn't say "air", I really did say hair, because I'm sorry doesn't the word start with an h. And who even uses the word heir anyway. It was embarrassing but also mind blowing.
8. New year's "Resolutions."
I was under the impression for quite some time that they were New Years Revolutions. Revolutionary idea? Revolutionary change in your life? It makes sense....Maybe.
9. Stink vs. Sneak.
In 5th grade, I wrote a note saying "You Sneak!" I thought stink was spelt sneak. I can't even justify that one. I also didn't realize that "the" and "thee" were basically the same word. I think I forgot how to spell the word "when" once too.
10. Nalgene
There's a name for those? Isn't it just a reusable water bottle?
And most recently...
11. DIY a.k.a. Do it yourself
I learned this one a week ago. I'm sorry did everyone know the meaning of this? When I see DIY i think dye or die, not do it yourself. Why does "do it yourself" even need its own abbreviation? How often is the phrase actually used?
So if you're having trouble being fabulous, it's okay, everyone has their flaws and embarrasses themselves from time to time. You'll get there eventually, and might just be able to have your cake and eat it too (ha ha ha).
Show Me the Details
Let's face it, appearances matter, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. They matter because you can tell quite a lot about a person from simple details: the types of pens they use, the shoes they wear, their wallet, their shampoo and conditioner brand choices (I am not kidding). And details are something that I just don't forget.
Example A: you see a woman walking down the street. Her hair is done, her makeup is up to par/or not up to par if she isn't into makeup, outfit looks nice, but her nails are chipped. To me that shows she looks like she has it all together but really, she's an internal mess.
Example B: You meet a man who is relatively well-dressed, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, doesn't seem to put too much effort into his appearance and them boom you see that he wears nice cologne and uses expensive shampoo and conditioner (do men even need to use shampoo and conditioner? Do they even shower everyday? I just don't know). Shows he cares a lot more about his appearance than you think.
Example C: You see a girl in sweatpants, no makeup, hair in a messy ponytail, wearing amazing amazing shoes. Today was just a busy day, or she just wasn't feeling good, but on a normal daily basis, she has style.
Example D: You see a man, with a beat up cell phone, gross backpack, awful choice in jeans and shirt, and them wait, is that a Louis Vuitton wallet I see? This man knows quality but isn't materialistic and he also knows the value of a dollar (unless the wallet was a gift from a wealthy relative, then it's a bit deceiving)
Example E: You see a super fabulous girl at the library. Wearing glasses, reading the economist, researching on her black laptop about the unemployment rate in Tunisia (a country in Africa, not a hurricane) them wham she whips out a pink folder with a butterfly on it, and a purple pen with cherry blossoms decorating it. Okay this example is clearly myself, but it shows that yes while I am being studious and do actually have a subscription to the economist, I would rather be looking at my purple pen doodling flowers.
Moral of this story: Being fabulous doesn't mean you always have to be on your A-game. Sometimes you just don't feel well, sometimes you just don't care, sometimes you're just taking out the trash, sometimes you just don't see the point of joining the rest of society and getting a better cellphone when yours works perfectly fine, but simple details do show a lot about a person so even if you don't feel like showering or brushing your teeth, at least throw on some perfume/cologne or some better shoes.
Example A: you see a woman walking down the street. Her hair is done, her makeup is up to par/or not up to par if she isn't into makeup, outfit looks nice, but her nails are chipped. To me that shows she looks like she has it all together but really, she's an internal mess.
Example B: You meet a man who is relatively well-dressed, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, doesn't seem to put too much effort into his appearance and them boom you see that he wears nice cologne and uses expensive shampoo and conditioner (do men even need to use shampoo and conditioner? Do they even shower everyday? I just don't know). Shows he cares a lot more about his appearance than you think.
Example C: You see a girl in sweatpants, no makeup, hair in a messy ponytail, wearing amazing amazing shoes. Today was just a busy day, or she just wasn't feeling good, but on a normal daily basis, she has style.
Example D: You see a man, with a beat up cell phone, gross backpack, awful choice in jeans and shirt, and them wait, is that a Louis Vuitton wallet I see? This man knows quality but isn't materialistic and he also knows the value of a dollar (unless the wallet was a gift from a wealthy relative, then it's a bit deceiving)
Example E: You see a super fabulous girl at the library. Wearing glasses, reading the economist, researching on her black laptop about the unemployment rate in Tunisia (a country in Africa, not a hurricane) them wham she whips out a pink folder with a butterfly on it, and a purple pen with cherry blossoms decorating it. Okay this example is clearly myself, but it shows that yes while I am being studious and do actually have a subscription to the economist, I would rather be looking at my purple pen doodling flowers.
Moral of this story: Being fabulous doesn't mean you always have to be on your A-game. Sometimes you just don't feel well, sometimes you just don't care, sometimes you're just taking out the trash, sometimes you just don't see the point of joining the rest of society and getting a better cellphone when yours works perfectly fine, but simple details do show a lot about a person so even if you don't feel like showering or brushing your teeth, at least throw on some perfume/cologne or some better shoes.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I Don't See You, But Maybe I Do... But Really I Don't
This blog entry is all about the wave and what to do in a waving situation. Just to clarify I am not referring to the wave done in the nosebleed seats at a baseball stadium. Why are they called nosebleed seats anyway? Does anyone's nose actually ever bleed up there? Ew just talked about blood, I'm grossed out. Anyway, I'm referring to the wave of hello, acknowledging someone's existence with the friendly smile or raising of the hand...sometimes waving of the entire arm if you're really excited. Personally I think the wave says a lot about your relationship with someone and about yourself. Let me elaborate on a few types of waving situations...
1. There's the wave to your good friend. That involves a smile and a hello and a wave.
2. The wave to an acquaintance which involves a simple hi, maybe a brief smile.
3. The wave to the person you kind of know/had a brief encounter with. Then you continually see them and your relationship becomes all about waving. Then one day you forget how you even know each other or why you continue to wave to them. Is it time to stop waving? Should I just do it anyway? What's his name? How did we meet? Such a dilemma.
4. There's the "I hate you" person. Do you acknowledge their existence? Do you not? Do you just wave to show you don't care or not wave because you're just so above that, and waving to you would ruin my day more than simply seeing you does. Do I not make eye contact? Should I cross the street?
5. The downer. The person who you excitedly wave to, and they just give you a dull smile. Like jeez sorry I acknowledged your existence. I don't know if he deserves another wave in the future. Or should I just continue to obnoxiously do it in response to their dullness.
6. The person you're not sure if you know or not, so you give a nice little smile.
And finally...
7. The person you wish you never met. Therefore you just keep on walking.
Well if you're anything like me, which I doubt (you no longer are blessed to have 20/20 vision, have glasses for distance but will not be seen wearing them 24/7, and are freaked out by eyes so refuse to even think about contacts) waving is a bit of a struggle. Why? Because I can't really see anyone. I see people from distances who might be someone I know. Then they come closer and its like nope not them, and then I'm just left awkwardly staring at them. One time I thought this one figure walking towards me was this one girl I'm friends with. Getting ready to wave, the figure came closer, and it turned out to be an old man. So my dilemma was: Do I start wearing my glasses all day long? Or do I just continue to stare blankly and extremely confused at someone waving at me, yet it doesn't click who they are until after they've already past by. Even when people stop and say my name, I'm like who is this person? Are they waving at me or the thin air surrounding me? Then I realize, oh it's my roommate. Wait, now do I scream out hello after they've already passed me by? Did they think I was ignoring them? Don't they know I just can't see. Given half the time I'm walking outside I've just woken up from 12 hours of sleep or a nap, and I'm half awake, running to wherever I have to go, but still.
Well me being me, I decided there is no friggin way I am walking around with glasses all day long. So I determined, when in doubt, just wave. No matter who the person is or what the relationship. I mean its just a simple wave and hello, it's not going to hurt you. I've never been offended by someone saying hello, if anything I've been offended by being ignored.
Here are some fabulous waving techniques you may want use:
1. My personal favorite, the counter clockwise full arm wave. Take your left hand (or I guess right if you're like most of society who are righties). Bend your elbow, put your left hand to the right side of your face, then swing it around in a counter-clockwise circle. This wave I save for the important people.
2. Then there's the Miss America wave. Should probably only start doing this if you become famous or go on some reality show and get 15 minutes of fame. I feel like being in the background of a news broadcast qualifies you for this.
3. The high five wave. Simple raise of the hand like you're about to high five. Standard, can be used in most situations.
4. The simple smile, maybe throw in a hello, to those you don't really know or don't really like.
5. The "Hi" which can be given to the random passerby if you're in a really good mood and feeling super fabulous.
As for the person where you're relationship has become completely about waving and you forget who they even are, I'd let that one dwindle. No one really gets anything out that type of acknowledgment, except confusion.
1. There's the wave to your good friend. That involves a smile and a hello and a wave.
2. The wave to an acquaintance which involves a simple hi, maybe a brief smile.
3. The wave to the person you kind of know/had a brief encounter with. Then you continually see them and your relationship becomes all about waving. Then one day you forget how you even know each other or why you continue to wave to them. Is it time to stop waving? Should I just do it anyway? What's his name? How did we meet? Such a dilemma.
4. There's the "I hate you" person. Do you acknowledge their existence? Do you not? Do you just wave to show you don't care or not wave because you're just so above that, and waving to you would ruin my day more than simply seeing you does. Do I not make eye contact? Should I cross the street?
5. The downer. The person who you excitedly wave to, and they just give you a dull smile. Like jeez sorry I acknowledged your existence. I don't know if he deserves another wave in the future. Or should I just continue to obnoxiously do it in response to their dullness.
6. The person you're not sure if you know or not, so you give a nice little smile.
And finally...
7. The person you wish you never met. Therefore you just keep on walking.
Well if you're anything like me, which I doubt (you no longer are blessed to have 20/20 vision, have glasses for distance but will not be seen wearing them 24/7, and are freaked out by eyes so refuse to even think about contacts) waving is a bit of a struggle. Why? Because I can't really see anyone. I see people from distances who might be someone I know. Then they come closer and its like nope not them, and then I'm just left awkwardly staring at them. One time I thought this one figure walking towards me was this one girl I'm friends with. Getting ready to wave, the figure came closer, and it turned out to be an old man. So my dilemma was: Do I start wearing my glasses all day long? Or do I just continue to stare blankly and extremely confused at someone waving at me, yet it doesn't click who they are until after they've already past by. Even when people stop and say my name, I'm like who is this person? Are they waving at me or the thin air surrounding me? Then I realize, oh it's my roommate. Wait, now do I scream out hello after they've already passed me by? Did they think I was ignoring them? Don't they know I just can't see. Given half the time I'm walking outside I've just woken up from 12 hours of sleep or a nap, and I'm half awake, running to wherever I have to go, but still.
Well me being me, I decided there is no friggin way I am walking around with glasses all day long. So I determined, when in doubt, just wave. No matter who the person is or what the relationship. I mean its just a simple wave and hello, it's not going to hurt you. I've never been offended by someone saying hello, if anything I've been offended by being ignored.
Here are some fabulous waving techniques you may want use:
1. My personal favorite, the counter clockwise full arm wave. Take your left hand (or I guess right if you're like most of society who are righties). Bend your elbow, put your left hand to the right side of your face, then swing it around in a counter-clockwise circle. This wave I save for the important people.
2. Then there's the Miss America wave. Should probably only start doing this if you become famous or go on some reality show and get 15 minutes of fame. I feel like being in the background of a news broadcast qualifies you for this.
3. The high five wave. Simple raise of the hand like you're about to high five. Standard, can be used in most situations.
4. The simple smile, maybe throw in a hello, to those you don't really know or don't really like.
5. The "Hi" which can be given to the random passerby if you're in a really good mood and feeling super fabulous.
As for the person where you're relationship has become completely about waving and you forget who they even are, I'd let that one dwindle. No one really gets anything out that type of acknowledgment, except confusion.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Guilty Pleasures Make the Day Go By and Give You Some Personality
Without the occasional guilty pleasure, what would life be? You're more fabulous with little odd quirks in you. So if you don't have a guilty pleasure: get one... or better yet get more. They are great conversation starters, and personally what keep me going through the day. Here are examples of some of mine:
1. Daily Puppy.com
I mean come on. Look at those little cuties. No matter how bad your day is going, puppies will never cease to make you smile (unless you're a cat person). They're just so innocent and happy. And they are total babe magnets. Although I have to say the last little guy might want to look into a nose job.
2. Olive Garden
Okay I really have no idea where this guilty pleasure comes from. I mean I'm Italian, I eat real Italian food. I go to nice restaurants, I don't normally eat at chains. Something about Olive Garden is just so homey. One evening, halfway through my two hour wait for a table (why people wait that long for fake Italian food I just don't know), a server came up with a basket and asked, "Would you like a complimentary breadstick while you're waiting?" Part of me seriously wanted to start laughing, I mean it was as if I was at the Ritz Carlton and they were offering me a glass of champagne while I was waiting. I mean its Olive Garden, it's like an upscale McDonalds. But I have to say an even bigger part of me answered, "Absolutely! How nice of you!" When I start having a desire to eat at a Red Lobster, I'll start being concerned, but Olive garden is just such an experience. Even though their food is frozen and their desserts require assembly if you ask for them to go (they seriously do) Olive Garden just does it for me.
3. Tanning
Why is it that even when I know I look like the above, I just can't stop. Yes I glow in the street, my teeth become reflective, and that I don't live on an island, but the experience is just so relaxing. And who wants to be pasty?
4. Jersey Shore
Aside from enjoying the actual content of the show, these people also manage to remind me why I should abort the previously stated guilty pleasure of tanning, and why I should never wear Ed Hardy. And that sunglasses at night are socially acceptable to wear if you think you look like crap.
5. Animated films
The above are just a few of the Rated-G movies I've seen recently. Yes, I'm way above the age of 10, but look at that little easter bunny? Cutest movie ever. I need to find a little kid to see these things with, then maybe it'll be a bit more socially acceptable.
6. Maps.
I own a globe, 3 different Atlases, used to have a map of the United States, and have a large (and very fabulous) cities of the world book. Oh and in my spare time, I play with maps on Sporcle.com. And I can name all of the state capitals, along with many of the providences in Canada, and every country in the world. It's not the coolest hobby, but it's a fabulous guilty pleasure.
7. Baby Back Ribs.
They messy. They're manly. They're barbaric. But they are amazing.
Moral of this story: I know many people who like none of the above guilty pleasures and would actually rather have a root canal than spend their time doing any of these (okay maybe not an actual root canal). However, these are the things that keep me going throughout the day. Everyone has their little quirks that they get excited about, or at least they should. So embrace a guilty pleasure. It'll give you a bit more personality and will definitely make your day more fabulous.
1. Daily Puppy.com
I mean come on. Look at those little cuties. No matter how bad your day is going, puppies will never cease to make you smile (unless you're a cat person). They're just so innocent and happy. And they are total babe magnets. Although I have to say the last little guy might want to look into a nose job.
2. Olive Garden
Okay I really have no idea where this guilty pleasure comes from. I mean I'm Italian, I eat real Italian food. I go to nice restaurants, I don't normally eat at chains. Something about Olive Garden is just so homey. One evening, halfway through my two hour wait for a table (why people wait that long for fake Italian food I just don't know), a server came up with a basket and asked, "Would you like a complimentary breadstick while you're waiting?" Part of me seriously wanted to start laughing, I mean it was as if I was at the Ritz Carlton and they were offering me a glass of champagne while I was waiting. I mean its Olive Garden, it's like an upscale McDonalds. But I have to say an even bigger part of me answered, "Absolutely! How nice of you!" When I start having a desire to eat at a Red Lobster, I'll start being concerned, but Olive garden is just such an experience. Even though their food is frozen and their desserts require assembly if you ask for them to go (they seriously do) Olive Garden just does it for me.
3. Tanning
Why is it that even when I know I look like the above, I just can't stop. Yes I glow in the street, my teeth become reflective, and that I don't live on an island, but the experience is just so relaxing. And who wants to be pasty?
4. Jersey Shore
Aside from enjoying the actual content of the show, these people also manage to remind me why I should abort the previously stated guilty pleasure of tanning, and why I should never wear Ed Hardy. And that sunglasses at night are socially acceptable to wear if you think you look like crap.
5. Animated films
The above are just a few of the Rated-G movies I've seen recently. Yes, I'm way above the age of 10, but look at that little easter bunny? Cutest movie ever. I need to find a little kid to see these things with, then maybe it'll be a bit more socially acceptable.
6. Maps.
I own a globe, 3 different Atlases, used to have a map of the United States, and have a large (and very fabulous) cities of the world book. Oh and in my spare time, I play with maps on Sporcle.com. And I can name all of the state capitals, along with many of the providences in Canada, and every country in the world. It's not the coolest hobby, but it's a fabulous guilty pleasure.
7. Baby Back Ribs.
They messy. They're manly. They're barbaric. But they are amazing.
Moral of this story: I know many people who like none of the above guilty pleasures and would actually rather have a root canal than spend their time doing any of these (okay maybe not an actual root canal). However, these are the things that keep me going throughout the day. Everyone has their little quirks that they get excited about, or at least they should. So embrace a guilty pleasure. It'll give you a bit more personality and will definitely make your day more fabulous.
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