100 Days of Happiness?

So I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…again.  Which is safely an understatement as to how I've been feeling lately.  Another Monday, another day at the salt mine.  Can I just lay in my bed and lament at the horrors of life?  Working…driving…walking…moving…having to point the remote at the TV instead of being able to use telekinesis.  So I thought today would be a perfect day to start that 100 days of happiness thing.  Instantly my mind shot that idea down…who has the energy to be happy? Realizing that that was completely ridiculous, I decided to proceed with the challenge.  I thought okay I’m going to treat today like its my birthday.  But wait..aren’t you supposed to spend your birthday with people you know? Ok so that’s out.  I’m just going to try to put on a smile, pretend to be happy, and eat my way through this day. 

Well I smiled a lot…not too hard, not too painful.  I moved around a lot…made the day go by quicker, not too painful.  Ate a huge lunch…okay eating my way through this day was not a good idea and now I’m instantly reminded how I need to work out immediately.  Bought something…always an immediate mood booster.  Although it was more of a functional purchase than a fun purchase…so eh.

Okay the day is going okay, nothing significantly horrible has happened, my mood seems better.  I get home, shower.  I have a huge to do list over there, completely ignoring that.  Lay in bed to continue binge watching Dexter and boom my cable box isn’t working.  Okay move on to my laptop.  No internet connection.  Move on to my iPad, no connection.  Seriously?  Okay reset the cable box, reset the router.  I am all set to watch TV and do nothing.

Okay it’s safe to say this day wasn’t a total loss but wasn’t a total win either.  I could have YOLO-ed the day a little more...but live and learn.  Instead of dreading tomorrow, I’m excited and determined to challenge myself for happiness day 2. 

It’s easy to be negative, it’s harder to be positive.  Challenge yourself.

One of Those Weeks: A.K.A. The Week From Hell

So this week was supposed to be like the best week of like my entire year…like seriously.  Ok maybe that’s an exaggeration.  But my parents were going away on their like 5^th vacation in 2 years without me, therefore I had the entire house to myself.  Peace, serenity, seclusion.  I could sleep whenever I wanted, be messy, eat whatever whenever, play music loud, do whatever the hell I wanted whenever  and wherever I wanted.  I had been looking forward to this week for months…seriously.

Then I got ragingly ill.  Like the sickest I’ve been in years.  I had to drive myself to the E.R. – to no avail.  Then had to go to another emergency medical center- to no avail.  While having to go to work with a smile on my face in the mist of wanting to collapse and die.  Whoever said mental pain is worse than physical pain is cleeeeeeearly mistaken.  When you’re experiencing this “mental pain” you’re speaking of, just stick a knife in your leg and you’ll immediately change your mind.  And omg never tell anyone you’re related to that you just went to the E.R. because you’ll wake up to 11 missed calls and proceed to be smothered via your iPhone for the next 48 hours.  And then if you shut off your phone out of annoyance and don’t answer they think you’re dead.

I couldn’t even sleep to ecsape the agony.  I’m someone who takes sleep very seriously, so when I’m getting under 4 hours and not being able to do anything about it- there’s a problem.  So I found a heating pad in a random closet to put on my stomach while I attempted to lay down for an hour or two- and I started to feel a serious pinching and start to smell some weird odor.  Oh ok that’s just the heating pad melting plastic, burning my skin, and about to set on fire.  Shit.  Never ask the world if you’re life can get any worse than it is right now- because it can and it will.

So I air out my room, seriously concerned I might die from carbon monoxide.  I Google "heating pad malfunction" and its looking like death from fumes isn’t a thing, so I feel a little bit better.  I exhaustedly decide to sleep in my parents king size bed, because my room smells like fire, and think jeez its like a hotel in here.  I need a new mattress and new sheets and a new ambiance.  Okay which side of the bed is going to be less gross? My mom’s side or my dad’s side?  Probably my mom’s side even though I’m not really a right side of the bed person.  I heard sleeping on the left side of your bed is sooooooo much better for your mental health.  But at this point who gives a shit about my mental health? I’m tired, I’m annoyed, and I can’t even believe this awfulness has lasted for such a long amount of consecutive days.

So after a week of not being able to function, eat, or sleep, I finally wake up to 80 degree weather, a few pounds lighter, eat as if it was my first meal in weeks (it pretty much was), and come to the conclusion that the world is a big bunch of complainers.  Oh excuse me, I'm so sorry your head hurts, or your tired because you had to wake up an hour earlier than usual, or your throat hurts just a little bit, or that the rain is putting a damper on your day.  When someone has a serious problem they don’t complain.  They suck it up and move on with life.

Moral:  After the rain comes some serious sunshine.  Appreciate it.

Things (mainly people) That Seriously Annoy Me: Part II

Yep it's been one of those weeks/days/moments again where the world is just seriously starting to piss me off.

Things (mainly people) that seriously annoy me part 2:

1.     Someone who claims they are sick literally every other day.  I can fake myself into think I’m sick too.  It’s also called be crazy.  I think they have medication for being delusional.

2.     Being over the age of 20 and throwing a fit.  One word- brat.

3.     No contact in 3 months and then a random text saying hey as if no time has passed.  Hi were you in a coma for 3 months?

4.     People who are ridiculously full of themselves.  If James Bond can show some humbleness so can you.

5.     A blinding sunset, while driving.  Sometimes I seriously fear permanent eye damage.

6.     Saying hello and getting a grunt in return.  Hi sorry are you deaf or did you lose your manners?  Sorry smiling at you was so detrimental to your day.

7.     People who are really friendly one day.  And then act like they don’t know you at all the next day.  Then repeat the cycle.  Are you bipolar or am I crazy?

8.     Songs played on the radio that I once liked that were overplayed and now make me want to rip my ears out yet for some sad reason I keep listening.

9.     Meeting someone for the first time and them telling you their whole life story as if you care.  Dude I just asked about the weather.

10. People who don’t pick up on social cues.  I stopped listening the second I found that looking at the wall was more interesting.

11. People who work at mall kiosks.  I half feel bad for them and am half disturbed by their attacking marketing techniques. 

12. People who talk on the phone hands free while walking.  Are you talking to me or yourself?  I can’t tell.  Oh wait you’re on the phone? And you’re talking to me at the same time? YOU’RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

13. Screaming children.  Sorry?

14. It being totally acceptable for a smoker to take a smoke break but not acceptable for a non-smoker to take a break for being healthy?

15. The existence of bugs.  Bees I get.  Are the other bugs just food for animals? 

16. People who wear regular clothes to the gym.  Or don’t wear sneakers to the gym.  Okay fine if you’re over 70 it’s acceptable.

17. People who still dress like its 2003.  I kind of feel bad but I kind of don’t.

How to Wake Up Fabulous By Using Fairly Obvious Tactics:

Not everyone can perfect the art of sleeping as much and as late as possible while also staying hygienic and also looking good.  I can’t maintain my easy going and free spirited, sometimes confused with being aloof but actually not really giving a shit, personality if I don’t get at least 9 hours.  Less than 7 hours or any type of sleep interruption and people are like wow I never saw this side of you before.  And I’m like damn right you haven’t, I’m tired.

Recently I got complimented on I don’t know…something….probably my hair or makeup.  I was like oh thanks I literally just rolled out of bed (because I literally did).  And the person was like wow I wish I looked like that when I roll out of bed.  Well my friends let me teach you…

1.     Preparation.  Do as much as possible the night before.  Shower.  Hair.  Outfit.  Nails.

2.     Essentials.  Think of what can be fixed throughout the day and what can’t.  You’re stuck with your hair, unless you carry a toothbrush your stuck with bad breath, and you’re stuck with your outfit.  That’s 3 things- everything else can be can be done on the go (Please always brush your teeth).

3.     Outfit.  When it comes to waking up late and it comes to your outfit- wear the exact same outfit you wore a few days ago.  It worked a few days ago, it can work today.  I had a doctor’s appt early in the morning and someone was like are you going to work or do you just dress like this everyday.  I was like oh its just a habit…I put no thought into it.  Because I didn’t   It fits, it looks good, its clean and it looks like I tried.

4.     Makeup.  I never do my makeup before I leave for anywhere if I’m running late.  Yes immediately upon walking in to work or wherever someone will instantly say omg are you okay?  I nod, look miserable, then go to the bathroom and do my makeup.  Then I walk out looking refreshed and no one remembers you walked in makeup-less/looking sickly.  No one is going to question what you’re doing in the bathroom and unless you’re in second grade no one will stop you from going to the bathroom.  And there’s not a subway or bus I haven’t done my makeup on, what else are you supposed to do on your daily transit ride? 50% of the people taking the subway are crazy so who cares if you whip out some lipstick and mascara.

5.     Coffee. Can be purchased and is essential to a good mood and a productive day.  Yes it’s more economical to make coffee and is highly suggested.  But that takes time.  Which takes away from sleep.  Espresso can be chugged and then you can move on with your day instantaneously- no time lost.

6.     Email and News.  I have an abnormal obsession with checking my email.  This can also be done throughout the day- or in the bathroom.  The only thing that ever needs to be checked asap is the weather.

7.     The Miscellaneous.  Washing your face.  Charging your phone.  Organization of documents.  Making lunch.  All can be done the night before or at your arrival destination.  Oh and always carry an umbrella because you just never know.

When in doubt if you’re really looking terrible just milk the fact that you look physically ill, fake a cough, and sip some tea.  At least if you look like crap you can try and fit the part.

Royalty

It’s a beautiful moment when you have that sudden realization that your just better.  Not better than anyone else.  Just better than you thought you were.  Your capable.  You’re great.  You’re beautiful.  You’re everything.  Those moments are rare and those moments are everything.

You beat it.  You beat whatever failures or negativity you thought was coming your way, because you’re still here.  You’re still going.  You’re heart is still beating.

All the bullshit is just noise.  All the closed doors were just favors.  Gifts from the universe leading you into the right doors.   You realize that you’ve been the only one ever doubting yourself.

Theres nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of or insecure about anymore at this point.  Nothing to wait for.  If you’re living and your living for yourself then what else matters?  What is there to hold you back?

I don’t really remember the good decisions anymore.  I remember the bad ones, that turned out not being so bad when all was done.

Who’s to say you’re not you’re not as great as you think you are? A negative Nancy? Well if you think about it Nancy is a really ugly name and so is negativity.  So shake out the drama queens and drama kings, the Naggers, the Self-entitled Susies, and the one-uppers.  Do whatever the hell you want to do.  If you want to be royalty act like it.