My Love/Hate Relationship with New York

Despite popular belief living New York City isn’t really as glamorous as it seems.  It can be really really great.  But it can also be really, really awful.  I kind of feel like the two extremes balance out to it being pretty normal- or bipolar either one.  Actually New York it probably a great place for someone aiming for a bipolar lifestyle.  Or is bipolar.  Okay I probably shouldn't say that in chances of offending someone who is actually bipolar.

So here is my top ten reasons as to why I love/hate New York.  Which actually adds up to 20 reasons...so my top 20.  Let's start negative and then end on a positive note.

Things I Haaaaateeeeeeeeee:

1.     How EVERYONE not actually from New York temporarily living there is OBSESSED with the fact that they live in New York.  It’s like such an air of pretentiousness that they now live and work in New York City….and whether they like to admit it or not, chances are it’s temporary.  Manhattan is on my birth certificate, whether I like it or not- I’m stuck with it.  Yes I can perpetually say I’m from New York.  If your birth certificate says Ohio.  You’re from Ohio! You can’t change where you’re from to make yourself seem more glamorous, even though you probably really want to.  And no someone who lives in New York isn’t automatically better than someone from South Dakota.  I mean yeah, South Dakota probably sucks, but don’t rub it in their face.  They do have Mount Rushmore, that’s something right? Or is that North Dakota? Okay I can’t even lie, I’m really thankful I wasn’t born in North Dakota.

2.     People’s hate for tourists.  And...well...tourists.  Ok yes, they’re kind of annoying.  Unless they ask you for directions on how to take the subway.  They you’re proud that you can give them excellent directions navigating the 2/3 to the 4/5/6, etc (okay maybe that's just me).  But seriously, if I travel to a foreign city, chances are I’m there to see some landmarks and I need to use a map.  And I’m probably walking slowly because I’m lost.  Or enjoying myself.  We get it.  You live there.  They don’t.  They’re still humans, and everyone is a tourist somewhere.

3.     The subway.  I’ve never experienced such a level of heat.  Or had have sweat in places on my body that I didn’t even think were capable of producing sweat.  Oh and the homeless.  Or maybe they're not actually homeless, maybe they're just dirty, I don't know.  And the random performers.  And the random drug addicts pretending they’re mom is in the hospital two hours away.  One time I actually saw someone perform a full on puppet-show.  And I could go on. Now that I think about it, does anyone ever windex those seats? 

4.     Walking under extreme weather conditions.  Walking is lovely.  A great form of exercise and a lovely way to experience New York and debut your outfit for the day.  Unless it’s snowing.  Or if there’s snow on the ground.  Or when it’s raining.  Or when it’s extremely hot.  Or when it’s extremely cold.  Or when you’re running late and racing to wherever you have to go and there’s a ton of tourists in your way and you’re navigating the sidewalk like you’re playing some type of video game.  I once had such a panic attack in Union Square that I literally pushed two people (probably tourists) apart because they weren’t crossing the street when CLEARLY there was a walk sign (or maybe there wasn't, but that would technically make me wrong).  It’s hot, I’m sweating, please move or do yourself a favor and leave NY because you’re annoying.  Oh and I seriously don’t get why people who live in the suburbs complain about the snow, heat, or rain.  You get in the car, turn on your heat, air conditioner, or windshield wipers, and then move on with life.  Try walking 5 blocks to the subway.  Waiting 10 minutes in an oven for the subway to arrive.  And then walk another 5 blocks to wherever you have to go.  Carrying ten bags of groceries with you.

5.     Everyone lives in a closet.  The size of the closet varies by income, but it’s still a closet. 

6.     Everyone thinks they’re just really, really, really good at what they do for a living.  You went to college, you can afford to live in New York, you found a job that you like and you’re good at- great, so is everyone else that lives here…please stop throwing it in my face as though I went to clown school and I spend my day doing pottery.

7.     People saying they’re from New York but really they live 10 minutes away in another state.  Do you think someone living in New York who lives 10 minutes away from New Jersey is telling people they’re from New Jersey? No. If you’re license plate says New Jersey just admit it- you’re from New Jersey.  No shame, despite popular belief, New Jersey is great.  Just own it. 

8.     Everyone wears black.  I mean yes, it’s understated, it’s chic, its slimming, its versatile.  But it’s subconsciously depressing.

9.     Exclusive nightlife.  It would be a lot of fun if I were actually a successful model or celebrity with tons of money and people catering to me.  But when you’re a normal person, just getting in because you’re good looking isn’t really that fun.  It doesn’t really make you famous.  Or cool.  Great you have a couple of photos showing that you were cool enough to go there.  You’re still not famous or rich.  Well unless you’re getting free alcohol.  Nothing beats free alcohol.  If I went to the bar at Red Lobster and was getting free alcohol, I’d keep going back. 

10. If you want to leave New York.  Chances are you don’t have a car.  And chances are you have to take a train…or worse.  A bus.  Let me repeat.  A bus.  They even took the bus to Atlantic City on Sex and the City.  I mean yeah you can add “the bus to Atlantic City” to your bucket list to just be able to say you experienced it.  But once is enough.

Things I LOVE about New York:

1.     The shopping.  I mean no words- it’s great.  Expensive, cheap, moderately priced.  Insane selection at every single store.  The sample sales.  A Zara on every block.  The sample sales.  The flagship stores.  The sample sales.  Trade shows.  It’s completely unrivaled. 

2.     Fashion week.  You may not get front row…but despite popular belief, it’s not totally impossible to see a show or two.

3.     Restaurant week.  Even though I kind of feel like I end up spending more than I normally would for a meal- it’s still great. 

4.     Always something to do and always something you haven’t done or haven’t seen.  Central park- when it’s not smoldering hot or freezing cold.  Museums.  Food.  There are 5 boroughs of greatness.  Well minus Staten Island.  Not really sure what’s happening there.

5.     Celebrity sightings.  Need I expand?

6.     The eclectic mix of people.  Also could be put on the “hate list” due to the pretentiousness, but most people are nice.  I mean where else would someone from Missouri end up becoming best friends with someone from Germany?  Well I guess Los Angeles could be a place. Or Chicago.  Or London.  But we’re focusing on New York here.

7.     The picturesque view from almost anywhere.  I would much rather walk past the Empire State Building everyday and look at the lights of the city on my outdoor patio than drive past a Taco Bell and a field of corn each day.  At least the suburbs have stars.  But who needs stars when you have skyscrapers?  I mean it’s the same effect right? Lights in darkness.  What's the difference if I wish upon a star or wish upon the Chrysler building?

8.     Always having transportation 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  And you don’t have to drive.  You can get so much done during your commute.  You know how many times I’ve overslept and done my makeup on the subway so I arrived at work looking completely refreshed?  Um try at least every single time I ride the subway.  Sure I had little girls staring at me in awe, or elderly people smiling at how “cute” it was.  But hey, a homeless guy is sleeping two benches away, a group of kids are breakdancing for money…I’m flossing my teeth and doing my makeup sandwiched in between someone reading a really small bible with a foul odor and someone talking to themselves while eating an orange…if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

9.     Ironically I always feel kind of safe.  Doorman at the entrance of your building.  Police cars parked at every corner.  Cabs almost everywhere.  Especially if you look like a damsel in distress…they will always stop for you out of pity.  Constant people out at all hours.

10. The city never sleeps.  It’s true if you know where to go.  At 3a.m. if I want to go to the supermarket or get a cup of coffee or eat a meal.  I totally can.  And no one judges.  But don’t take the subway past 11p.m.  If any time is worth splurging on a cab- after 11p.m. and before 6 a.m. is the moment. 

So long story short- New York will always be there.  It’s not leaving.  Don’t live there and pretend to like it just because you feel like you’re supposed to.  If you love it great- it’s great, but don’t make everyone who doesn’t live there feel like his or her life is lesser than yours.  And don’t feel like a failure if you want to leave.  There’s other cities.  There’s other years of your life to take on a new adventure. 

And complete side note-my mind was completely blown when I found out that the show Seinfeld wasn’t filmed in New York.  I’m sorry WHAT?!  I wanted Jerry’s life.  I was obsessively watching episodes of Seinfeld right before I moved to New York.  But it turns out the entire show was filmed in L.A. What. The. Hell. That is just rude.  So really in reality, I should have been fantasizing about living in L.A.  I mean yes there’s Sex in the City, but we all know that her lifestyle wasn’t at all true-to-life.

Well my friends, until next time...