Blow and Destiny

So recently I watched the movie Blow.  It was on my Netflix queue that I honestly forgot existed because I've been too occupied binge watching random TV series.  It automatically got mailed to me once I finished my most recent TV series.  I saw it when I was like 10- I didn’t like it and didn’t get it.  I mean I was 10.  What 10 year old would enjoy a movie about drug smuggling? And throughout the entire movie I thought I was watching Heath Leger, not Johnny Depp.

But there was nothing on for the next 2 hours.  I didn’t really have any desire to watch it and was planning on mailing it back but then suddenly I thought: It’s in front of me….maybe I was destined to watch this movie right at this moment in time.  Sadly this is how my mind actually operates 90% of the time, so I watched it. 

It was pretty decent, better than i remembered it.  And then during the last 10 minutes I just started sobbing.  I felt so beyond bad for Johnny Depp.  Couldn't they change the ending to make this movie end better?  And then I realized- I’m crying hysterically because a drug smuggler, who made millions I might add, got sentenced to 60 years in prison and lost all contact with his family?

Then it became- well its not that I feel bad that he went to jail… I feel bad because he probably had so much going for him, and had such a great family, and in the end was chasing all the wrong things in life.  Then it became what if I’m chasing the wrong things in life? What if at 60 years old, I’m alone, in a cave, realizing that everything that I thought was important wasn’t that important.  What if I attract the wrong people in my life? What if no one ever gets me?  On the outside I’d most likely say I come off as caring about materialistic items more than the average person.  On the inside, I probably care about materialistic items less than the average person.  But what if no one ever sees that? What if I’m just misunderstood? I mean hello I’m a Gemini, I have a split personality.  Life can be so complicated.

And then I just told myself- to snap the hell out of it.  How am I going to end up in a cave? I’ve never even been near a cave.  This wasn’t even supposed to be a sad movie.  It wasn’t even that great of a movie.  Why am I comparing my entire personality to someone who smuggled drugs? 

Not everything that happens is some deep part of your destiny.  Not every moment of your life has to mean something or be life changing.  Things happen for a reason- big or small.  People come and people go.  You don’t have to spend every moment analyzing it and trying to make sense of it all.  If an epiphany comes… great.  If not, whatever happens, happens- maybe there’s a reason, maybe there’s not.  Life is too short and too great to spend 20 minutes upset over the outcome of a criminal’s life in a movie.  

Moral: if you don’t do drugs, you’ll probably end up OK.