Rejection and All Its Bitterness

Anyone that really knows me, like really knows me, knows that I tend to speak before I think.  Well actually that’s not true, I speak exactly what I think.  I just don’t think about how other people might perceive my thoughts (I also can not keep a secret for the life of me, but that’s a complete other story).  Yes, it’s gotten me into trouble MULTIPLE times, but I just keep doing it because it’s ingrained into me.  I’ve definitely gotten better, but I mean, give me a break.  Shouldn’t people, even strangers, just automatically know that just because something like…. “gray is ugly”…. initially pops into my mind, and I verbalize its ugliness immediately, that it doesn’t mean that I actually think its ugly…people get that, right….?  Probably not, but I mean at least, if nothing else, there’s no denying I’m genuine. 

Well anyway, the situation of being completely burned, is by far, times 1000, timed again by 100,000, timed again by 1,000,000, is by eons, the worst situation for my personality ( not really sure if word vomit is a personality trait these days, but we’ll go with it). To be completely honest, about 60% of the time, I’m not really that into talking.  But when I do feel like talking, it just all comes out.  Its like I have all these gems of information that have been built up for such an extreme amount of time that I just feel the need to spew it all out (you didn’t hear that from me).   But enough about me…let’s talk about you. 

I've been burned…and I'd really like to say recently...but really its just been an ongoing occurrence for longer than I can remember.  A lot of the time things happen, and we wish they didn’t.  So we keep trying to make it go back to when it didn’t happen, so we can live in our bubble again for just a little bit longer.  Examples?

• Exhibit A: #stoptryingtomakefetchhappen, and yet its still never happened.  
• Exhibit B: Lindsay Lohan’s acting career, it’s still not going anywhere and she’s still on drugs.
• Exhibit C:  That job you really wanted that you would have gotten if it wasn’t for so and so, but then so and so quits, and then you still don’t get it because blah blah blah, it all comes back to its me not you, it’s wasn’t the right time, you did a great job but…   
• Exhibit D: That person’s relationship didn’t work out, because he had issues and maybe if she didn’t have her issues, it might work out.  But maybe if he wasn’t so messy, but maybe if she didn’t like cats.  But maybe...actually, um how about maybe they can just be substituted for two completely different people and they might have a better chance of succeeding, because face the music it’s not going to happen.  Was that harsh?  Because I meant for it to be.

It all comes down to maybe if you weren’t you, and the situation wasn’t the situation, things would be better.  But you are you.  And the situation is the situation.   So then why do we keep on trying when we know we’re bound for failure?  I think it’s because of that overused quote saying that we failed because we didn’t try.  Or one’s only regret in life was not trying.  From personal experience, I feel like we don’t try to do things, not out of the fear of rejection, but because rejection is the actual reality.  Its antonym is only a fantasy. 

Truth be told, after any form of rejection, all we can do, is hope that the ones we got burned by, end up crawling back to you and you’ve already moved past the bitterness to care. 

But let’s be honest, if I’m the actual burner, versus the burnee, I am not caring one thought about someone else’s bitterness.  Like oh I never windex-ed a mirror the entire time we lived together, which made your day so much harder because you weren’t eventually going to re-do it yourself anyway?  Excuse me while I never feel bad about that decision ever.  Oh and now I ask you if I can borrow your windex, because I have a window I really need to clean, but you won’t let me use it because now you have the upper hand?  Um excuse me while I leave this ridiculous habitat for a more mature one.  

I mean, yes, I think we’re all kind of bitter that Mount Rushmore was built in South Dakota, making the likelihood of any of us seeing it next to zero.  I wouldn’t pay time or money to go to South Dakota even if Noah’s Ark was being built and that was my only chance of survival. But we all accept that fact and move on with life.

Moral of the story- just pull the plug and move on with life.  There’s only one definition of success and that’s getting something better than you initially had…oh and I guess happiness.  Bitterness gets you nowhere worth going to.