In theory I would love, a nice guy, who opens doors, buys me flowers, gives me compliments, is a gentlemen, etc, etc. However throughout my entire history with boys, when the nice guy appears, it's not that I don't like him or think he's just too nice or more like a friend or just not for , the truth is more than anything, I feel thoroughly creeped out. The experience of holding hands in public makes me nauseous. Omg what if I have to be stuck and uncomfortable with him forever? Ah please don't buy my drink or by me dinner or walk me home. I feel suffocated after the first 30 minutes of meeting you, and all you're doing is being nice and showing interest. Are those flowers and would it be horrible if I burned them?
On the flip side, there's the unattainable person, who its baffling why you still interact with someone so thoughtless, yet the fact that you knowingly know that they really detest your company, okay maybe not as strong of an emotion as detest, just makes the time spent together so much more enjoyable. I don't get why. The guy doesn't get why. Friends don't get why. But its just the way it is. The doors, the flowers, the compliments, and the gentlemen will never come but if they did, I don't think I'd be grossed out by any of it (unlike my thoughts of the above).
And then there's the man, that you actually like, are actually attracted to, but then end up being so intimidated the entire time, that you end up being some weird warped version of yourself. Like did I seriously just say that? Who am I? What's my name? I don't even know.
6 times out of 10, I'm creeped out. Even if you're cute, you're funny, you're nice, ugh it's just too much too fast. 3 times out of ten, I'm a shy/awkward attempt at being an outgoing person. 1 time out of ten, I meet the unattainable.
I guess I never really realized that the guy may actually be nervous talking to you. And that no he can not actually read my mind. I think I'm being friendly, and he thinks I like him. I think he's being friendly and then suddenly hands are attempted to be held and I'm in shock as to where that came from.
I would love a nice guy, who wouldn't? But 9/10 when they appear, it's just suffocating and uncomfortable. Then when you meet the unattainable- people tell you that you're just too nice and need to drop him. How nice can I be in comparison with the rest of society? I mean gosh I'm no Saint....um who was that...oh Mother Teresa, is she a Saint? Can people still become Saints? Is the Pope a Saint? Okay completely off-topic.
All nice girls want is an in between of a jerk and a nice guy.....what I would define, as..... I don't know a normal human being. Is that so hard? Apparently, because I'm either left nauseated and suffocated, or sad and hurt, or I somehow transform into a mute who attempts to not be mute, hah I guess that could qualify as a mime. I'm sure picking up miming would attract some special.
Sometimes I think all my future has in store, is a full-time job at Wal-Mart, wearing that blue apron, married to someone without a full-set of teeth. I don't even shop at Wal-Mart. And I can't even look at crooked teeth, let alone missing teeth. I think my ticket to success is to pick up miming. It offers both employment and attention, and I think I'd be able to k.eep all of my teeth.
Fabulous tip of the day: Do absolutely none of the above, you'll be able to eliminate confusion, and you should be in a much better position than me.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Little Things are Unforgettable
I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing to place so much emphasis on the small things someone does or remembers. But I just can't help the fact that the little things someone does just seems so much more important to me than grandeur actions.
Yes you just said I looked ridiculous in my outfit or that I should get a reality check, but you opened the door for me a week ago, that was so nice. You just made fun of a passerby (did I just say passerby?), you act like you're above everyone, but you told me I had a nice smile. Everyone is annoyed at me, everyone thinks I'm clueless at this, but you told me I did a good job. You just told me I was out of your league in random conversation, um I'm sorry but do I even qualify to be in a league?
Why are the little things just so unforgettable to me? I feel like the big picture should probably have more emphasis in someone's life, but I guess I just live moment by moment, minute by minute. I don't know if impulsiveness is a fabulous quality to have or not, or if looking on the bright side is better than looking on the realistic side. But I do know that being yourself if is the best you can do when you're unsure of something. Therefore, thank you for buying me that beverage, thanks for holding the door, thanks for waiting for me, thanks for walking me home. It means so much more than the sweater I just got or the paycheck I just received.
Yes you just said I looked ridiculous in my outfit or that I should get a reality check, but you opened the door for me a week ago, that was so nice. You just made fun of a passerby (did I just say passerby?), you act like you're above everyone, but you told me I had a nice smile. Everyone is annoyed at me, everyone thinks I'm clueless at this, but you told me I did a good job. You just told me I was out of your league in random conversation, um I'm sorry but do I even qualify to be in a league?
Why are the little things just so unforgettable to me? I feel like the big picture should probably have more emphasis in someone's life, but I guess I just live moment by moment, minute by minute. I don't know if impulsiveness is a fabulous quality to have or not, or if looking on the bright side is better than looking on the realistic side. But I do know that being yourself if is the best you can do when you're unsure of something. Therefore, thank you for buying me that beverage, thanks for holding the door, thanks for waiting for me, thanks for walking me home. It means so much more than the sweater I just got or the paycheck I just received.
Friday, May 6, 2011
You Can't Be Fabulous Without a Sidekick
This blog entry is dedicated to the most valued thing in my life, who has been the most valued thing my entire life. What might you ask? My teddy bear Puffy. Actually that should be plural because I have two of the same one, in case one ever got lost, or in my mind stolen by a jealous psycho. Throughout the years, he's taken a bit of a beating, which has caused many, aka my parents, to suggest preserving him in some type of box. I'm sorry, but a box? So he could suffocate and be neglected? Absolutely not, what a horrible idea. I recently had a nightmare that he fell apart, I think I would pass out if that happened in real life.
They say not to let your material items own you, but my teddy bear isn't a material item or a "thing," it's Puffy! I own him and I would die without him. When I was about 6 years old, I was on a flight to my yearly trip to Aruba, and I had him just chilling out right next to me on the seat so he could look out of the window and get some fresh air from my backpack, then BAM! He was gone. What? How could this happen? Where did he go? Who stole him? Did he fall out of the plane? Is he hurt? Wahhh! After what felt like an eternity of hours my mom informed me that my dad would buy me a new stuffed animal when we landed. Um I'm sorry but that little guy is not replaceable. My life of 6 years is over without him. Luckily shortly after, my sister managed to find him, as he had just simply fallen under my seat. I guess I didn't see him in the panic that pursued. That little guy did not leave my side for the rest of the trip.
I have to admit, if I had to save a person from a moving train or save my bear from a moving train, I think for a hot second I might consider the bear over the person. If I had to wear a potato sack for a year in order to keep him I'd do it. If all my material belongings were going to be destroyed and I had to choose one to save, it'd be him. If a building was burning and he was in there, I would go in and save him. If that isn't love than I don't know what is. Over any picture, any article of clothing, any piece of jewelry, any dollar amount. He's clearly the best friend I've ever had.
Yes I'm 21 years old, no the attachment never faded, and I still look at him as my best friend rather than a simple stuffed animal. Why? I never had a pet growing up, I just had him. Always there for me no matter what. He's all my memories wrapped in one. I don't need a photo album, when I can just look at him. He's the one material item that truly means something to me.
I'm sure at this age most people have grown out of their obsession with a childhood belonging, but I think everyone should have one belonging that makes them feel fabulous. Whether it be a teddy bear, a pet, a piece of jewelry, or even a pair of sneakers. It's the memories made with them that help you remember how amazing of a person you really are and how not so cruel the world actually is. And for the record I think having an attachment to a teddy bear at the age of 21 is still socially acceptable as long as you keep him at home on your bed and never talk about him.
They say not to let your material items own you, but my teddy bear isn't a material item or a "thing," it's Puffy! I own him and I would die without him. When I was about 6 years old, I was on a flight to my yearly trip to Aruba, and I had him just chilling out right next to me on the seat so he could look out of the window and get some fresh air from my backpack, then BAM! He was gone. What? How could this happen? Where did he go? Who stole him? Did he fall out of the plane? Is he hurt? Wahhh! After what felt like an eternity of hours my mom informed me that my dad would buy me a new stuffed animal when we landed. Um I'm sorry but that little guy is not replaceable. My life of 6 years is over without him. Luckily shortly after, my sister managed to find him, as he had just simply fallen under my seat. I guess I didn't see him in the panic that pursued. That little guy did not leave my side for the rest of the trip.
I have to admit, if I had to save a person from a moving train or save my bear from a moving train, I think for a hot second I might consider the bear over the person. If I had to wear a potato sack for a year in order to keep him I'd do it. If all my material belongings were going to be destroyed and I had to choose one to save, it'd be him. If a building was burning and he was in there, I would go in and save him. If that isn't love than I don't know what is. Over any picture, any article of clothing, any piece of jewelry, any dollar amount. He's clearly the best friend I've ever had.
Yes I'm 21 years old, no the attachment never faded, and I still look at him as my best friend rather than a simple stuffed animal. Why? I never had a pet growing up, I just had him. Always there for me no matter what. He's all my memories wrapped in one. I don't need a photo album, when I can just look at him. He's the one material item that truly means something to me.
I'm sure at this age most people have grown out of their obsession with a childhood belonging, but I think everyone should have one belonging that makes them feel fabulous. Whether it be a teddy bear, a pet, a piece of jewelry, or even a pair of sneakers. It's the memories made with them that help you remember how amazing of a person you really are and how not so cruel the world actually is. And for the record I think having an attachment to a teddy bear at the age of 21 is still socially acceptable as long as you keep him at home on your bed and never talk about him.
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